something new

A new blog that evolves from this one -- more exploratory and also more specific themes: writing, making art, following one's bliss, daily life lessons, among others.

There are also new works posted in my art blog:

an Artist Date

After a rather long while I found myself finding time to get out of the house and do something purely to inspire myself and shake down some ideas from the slumbering shadows in my head.

I went to Heima along Brixton which is about a ten-minute walk from home. I told myself I would only look and soak in the creative energies and not buy anything. I ended up leaving with a shopping bag of goodies and a mental list of what to go back for. 

I did not spend very much. Just a little. Nothing like how I would spend in a bookstore. Besides, I seriously felt that I needed a boost of creative inspiration plus some proper reward for successfully moving out and moving in and keeping the family's spirits up and positively bent.

Of course, count on me to get all fired up for creative work just before the start of a new dayjob work project, when bulk of my time is about to be taken away. I seem to have a knack for hitting upon the muse button at the last minute, just when I have to go someplace else and it could not be helped.

In any case I refuse to be disheartened by the amount of time left. The work will only take three and a half weeks, four at the most. After that I have half a mind to keeping November to myself to write the draft for my second novel, with small art projects to serve as breaks in between. As I was browsing at Heima I am reminded of how much I really love the interplay of image and words and thus I would like to strive and practice it in my creative works. 

That is all I have to say for now. I write this post on my phone while tucked in bed. The very heavy volume of Sherlock Holmes awaits by my side. I hope to solve a few more mysteries before I call it a night, but to you I bid a sweet good night!

transitions

I started the whole moving process late last week and it was not easy. It was physically and emotionally exhausting. As of yesterday we have finished repainting the bedroom. Today we will start arranging furniture and things to be able to fit everything, like a giant puzzle. My target is to start settling in by the end of this week so I can resume some semblance of work by next week.

I had mixed feelings all throughout. I was very sad about dismantling my independent life but I was also touched by my parents' excitement at having me home again. I was angry with the bank who cornered me into this decision and I was disappointed with the general scenario of things that left me with very little options.

At the same time I found validation on who my true friends are and how wealthy I am with the genuine affection and care of others.

I make the most of this distressful shift in my life by keeping my faith that this is a necessary turn for me. It may not seem to be the most obvious way to get to England but who knows?

Dismantling a life. Packing up possibilities.  

A Puzzle of Keeping Sanity and Harmony 

New Room WIth A View. Playing With Colors To Frame A New Life Chapter.

Collaborative Artists' Space. New Possibilities.

catching up

I was greatly inspired by an artist friend who did a thousand 5x5 drawings with another artist and then they set up a small event one evening to offer them for sale. I was inspired not so much by the selling but the fact that they completed a thousand drawings.

Hence I decided to put together my own 4x4 paintings, maybe not a thousand but I am thinking of aiming for a hundred before the year ends. I will even be happy with fifty but I hope I can push myself to making more. This is my first set of six paintings. The images were done with watercolor and Derwent Inktense, the text (except for Begin) overlaid with Overgram. I intend to hand-write the final text when paint is sufficiently dry.

My plan to put up a proper art wall has been delayed given my recent decision to move house so maybe by the time I am ready to put it up there will be more pieces to play with.

a sunday of substance

Yesterday was a great day.

I have been excited for yesterday since I set that meeting with my bookseller friend. I have not seen him for a while and the books I have ordered have been languishing in his inventory for months. I was at the tail-end of a project and a fieldwork and thought I deserved a reward of some kind for being still alive. What better way than finally getting my old orders and paying up and maybe adding a couple new books to the package?

My friend sells good quality second-hand books which I absolutely love. Pre-owned books carrying a history of their own. Yellowed pages, old editions, rare hard-bounds. And that lovely old-book smell. He also sells notebooks – Moleskine and Field Notes and Fashionary. Yes, a dangerous combination for a writer/artist like me.

So I set up a meeting and I was fired up all week looking forward to it.

Layer on the discovery that Before Midnight opened in cinemas in July 10. Marvelous! The theme movie of my generation! If I had to name a mythology of romance for my generation it would be that trilogy. So I set Sunday afternoon for watching it with my sister, while also setting a couple of evenings beforehand to watch the first two movies.

Sunday arrived and I was like a child about to go on a field trip to Disneyland. Well I was. My own kind of Disneyland.

I met my bookseller friend in a cafe. He was late and I was too early. Which was perfect because I intended to get some writing done. I haven't written in a cafe for a long time, and it was such a glorious sunny morning, the cafe was half-empty, and there was this vintage jazzy music playing in the background. The other customers were quiet oldish people, not the usual crowd of noisy young things. Needless to say I felt right at home.

I took out my last Moleskine notebook (I have run out of stock) to write. I just have to say, I caught myself smiling many times at the sheer joy of the moment. In the past week there were little events that somehow perfected the trajectory of my life and I can feel the effect of it. Finding myself in that perfect spot on that perfect Sunday morning, I recognized the wisdom of the Universe and its infinite magic leading me to where I was. Most likely it was also where I needed to be. 

My dear friend arrived bearing my joys. Like a midyear Santa. A heavy bag of books and a heavy bag of Moleskine. He also brought a few vintage books I might be interested in (I was) and those were added to my loot.

I love vintage and old things, especially books. Look, this one survive through the war!

It was time to replenish my stocks. I am halfway through my last ruled Moleskine.

Then followed the kind of conversation that lifted one's spirits and refreshed one's faith in people and the world. Discussions about books, life decisions, the quality of paper, being independent, ideas and insights for improving our respective businesses, astronomy and mathematics, finding niches. An equal exchange without reservations or agenda, a connection that was effortless. I had missed it so very much.

We parted at lunchtime. I had a movie to catch. I also found out that another friend was joining me and my sister to the movie. Oh joy!

Before Midnight did not disappoint. I actually want to see it again and savor the words again. I didn't cry. Only almost. That part towards the end.

After the movie we had coffee and pastries at a nearby hotel. This time I was a content observer as my sister and our friend did most of the talking. But it was also one of those conversations that flowed naturally and without fear of misinterpretations or judgements. Then we went to my home to discuss options for framing my art works which I will be selling soon through another friend with a mobile vintage van (Doesn't that sound like a perfect way to start?) There were also some art and book discussions, analysis of men, women, and relationships, and a little history-digging for examples.

Brazo Bombs by The Legend Hotel. They taste like brazo de mercedes magicked into cream puffs. Very delicious!

The evening concluded with a light dinner. I started to feel tired and sleepy a little before ten. The adrenaline rush since the morning had finally worn off. I was happy. But my introvert self said, alright, time to draw back. If I had pushed myself more I would probably end up with a migraine. Oh, but make no mistake, it was the best Sunday I have ever had quite a long time.

I cleaned up, then tucked into bed with Sometimes The Magic Works. A fitting bedtime read for a beautiful day.

"I have decided, on reflection, it is best just to remember that sometimes the magic really works."
-Terry Brooks

How has the magic been working for you lately?

morning sketch/stretch

One last fieldwork day and then it will be a very intense couple of weeks putting together a grand presentation of sorts.

As I wait for the appointment time I start a sketch with my little mannequin. It's the first time he's posing for me and his limbs were badly in need of stretching.

There are other sketches in my head vying for attention but I have to get the fieldwork done first, then a trip to the supermarket, then cleaning the house. Then, this evening, I can draw and paint to my heart's content. Tomorrow I meet up with my bookseller friend to hoard some books and Moleskine. Tomorrow I will write.

midyear review

Come with a whoop,and come with a call.
Come with a whole heart or not at all.
(Neil Gaiman, The Ocean At The End Of The Lane)

I am on my third year of being independent from employed work. It has been a very rough road but every time I look back, even though there are a few tweaks I would like to have done, I never ever regretted the move to resign from a very lucrative employment.

Whenever I look back, what stand out are the shining moments of my rediscovery of my passions. The first time I painted after more than two decades. The first time I wrote a novel. The first time I acknowledged how much I love writing, reading, and making art after many years of believing that they were dispensable hobbies next to the career that everyone measured me with.

Last year the solo work got to a point that I was desperate. I was in danger of losing my home because I had missed payments. There were no projects for more than six months. I wished for a job.

This year the job came. And so did the projects. And I found myself in a quandary. But in the end I chose to be true to what I have become.

It sounds crazy. A steady, most likely very fat, paycheck given up for a continued life of financial roulette. All I had to do was say yes. But I said no.

It was not an easy decision. But my heart has been more vocal since I started on this particular journey and it would not give me peace. My mind came up with exquisite arguments, logical explanations of the hows which, I have always been told, should be left in the hands of the Universe. Logic can only take me so far. In the end, will I be happy? Will I wake up in the morning with optimism or with dread? Will I risk the joyful creative life I have started to build for a life that satisfied only the expectations of others?

At the hardest point of my contemplation, Neil Gaiman's The Ocean At The End Of The Lane presented itself like a sign. It had completely slipped my mind that it would be out already, and I stumbled into it on the way to a client meeting. A beacon amidst the turmoil of my own thoughts.

"How can you be happy in this world? You have a hole in your heart. You have a gateway inside you to lands beyond the world you know. They will call you, as you grow. There can never be a time when you forget them, when you are not, in your heart, questing after something you cannot have, something you cannot even properly imagine, the lack of which will spoil your sleep and your day and your life, until you close your eyes for the final time...you will die with a hole inside you, and you will wail and curse at a life ill-lived." (Neil Gaiman, The Ocean At The End Of The Lane)

The Year of True Paths is halfway through. After finally making that crucial decision I need to make a plan. Solid enough so I will be true to myself in the daily choices I make, loose enough to allow for the playful storytelling of the Universe. For instance, London. I know I want, I need, to be there. The how is not clear, but I can do my part every day in little ways. London is my love story now. Each day is a step closer to a happily ever after.

"...so I turned, randomly, down another road, and took a left, and a right. It was only then that I realized where I was going, where I had been going all along, and I grimaced at my own foolishness." (Neil Gaiman, The Ocean At The End Of The Lane)

I heard it said, "When two points are destined to touch, even if a direct connection is impossible, the Universe will always find a way."

My heart tells me it is only a matter of time. And what of time? There is plenty. There is always enough. It is always perfect.

clarity in the deep

watercolor, derwent inktense, on 300GSM rough paper

I am standing by my choice three years ago. I thought I could compromise but I couldn't. I have to be certain. I have to be clear.

So life may be a tougher and tighter a little while longer. But I don't mind. I have my books, my writing, and my art. I can feel the love of my family. I can feel the support of true friends.

Inspiration surrounds me everyday. There is so much around me that bring me joy and they don't cost a single centavo. Because they have been mine all along. Or they have been free for the taking all along.

London is still happening. Maybe not in the most obvious way. But it is happening. The Doctor and Sherlock agree on it.

my tiny studio

I am being pretentious by calling it my studio. It really is just a tiny corner where I somehow manage to squeeze in myself, the computer, and my materials.

This is also where I do my dayjob work so sometimes you can't pull me out of it and sometimes I can't wait to get out of it.

Right now that's a whole pile of dayjob work on the right side of the desk.

My cat often curls up on the rug beneath the table so I sometimes end up with a footwarmer.

The light is good though. I get lots of morning sunshine.

the infinite stuff

There is no lack. The gifts of the universe are limitless. Be grateful. Know what you want. Be the best you can be. Be authentic. Be true to your passions. What is yours will come to you if you truly believe. Have faith. Life is always good. Be patient. Follow your true path. Find your North Star.

my very own Project Life

I am inspired by Becky Higgins and her Project Life. But I cannot afford her beautiful templates and kits plus at some point I still want to do a bit more hands-on when I put things like this together. I also want space for my writing, lots of writing, not just photos and images. So I decided to design my own Project Life by getting a plain ring binder, printing papers, magazine scraps, old decorative calendars, and the like to help me get started. It is also a great way for me to have a hard copy of all my digital journals and blog posts -- my own way of securing myself a copy of everything I have written with a computer and thus taking away the fear that they would all be lost in cyberspace when the zombie apocalypse comes around.

There is a lot of cutting and glueing and doodling and coloring involved. Very therapeutic. I also find myself re-reading old journal entries and realizing that I had worked out some things that have been troubling me without realizing it at the time. I also enjoy discovering the patterns in my writing topics which help me with whatever it is that I am struggling with at the moment.

Right now I would love to do this all day but I need to get some work tasks done. How I wish for the day when I will never say those words "need to get some work tasks done"! How I wish that all I need ever say is "need to finish writing the latest book" or "need to complete the pieces for the next exhibit"!

Afternoon Break

I am at the hard tedious sludgy part of the work which is trawling through the raw data for patterns and themes and unearthing meanings. There is so much slow reading to be done and what makes it difficult is the time given. I think it would not have been so bad if I had enough time. But I never seem to have enough time and I always have to rush or I always have something else urgent on top of it.

Work has been rather slow since after lunch so I finally took a break and made this:

"Sleeping"
Derwent colored charcoal and Inktense on Moleskine

Now I am hoping that letting my inner child have free rein and make art will make it let me work with more speed and better focus.

new tumblr page

To help spread the happy energies and inspiration I have created a tumblr version of my art page.

Drop by at lovemarichit.tumblr.com

novel in progress

My Derwent Inktense has opened up new ways of making art and creating illustrations for my fantasy novel which I started out last November via NaNoWriMo. I am in no rush to publish because I want it to be done well. I have decided it will be an illustrated novel and that I want it printed on "aged"-looking paper. Which means that actual printing will probably take a while and I will have to start with digital publishing if I want to get all the colors and images in. I will be self-publishing so I only have myself yelling at myself to get some work done everyday.

Here is the draft of my cover:

And here is my initial attempt at a map. I need one because the place is pure invention.

One of the key items in the story is an urn and I have imagined it to be this:

I find myself progressing faster when I added the illustration work alongside the writing. So it is like watching and listening at the same time and then somehow managing to take it all down on paper as the story unfolds. Rather tricky but also surprisingly motivating. The story feels more substantial because I have visual anchors. Besides, I have always loved the interplay between words and images and I am delighted to have the opportunity to use both in this story.

At some point I would like to be able to draw people because there are some scenes I would just love to portray. I can draw women but drawing men needs more practice. We'll see how that goes.

I might also begin on some illustrations for the poetry books and those I need to prioritize because they will be "released" ahead. By released I mean producing the book in high-quality PDF/e-book format and sharing a portion of the first volume for free, like a Kindle sample. Then the full volume can be available by order. I don't know yet how I will do the sharing and ordering but I guess I will just play it by ear.

What have you been up to lately?

pre-birthday project : a life map

It just struck me this morning. And then I found myself mapping my life. Greatly inspired by Joseph Campbell's Pathways To Bliss.

At the core of the map is heeding Campbell's call to follow my bliss. Then I break it out into four key aspects: Body, Mind, Heart, Spirit. In each aspect I identify my influences and inspirations, and how my life actually manifests in these areas. I am now able to see where I need more nurturing, where I need more growth. I suddenly see why my work (i.e. dayjob) has been causing me so much ache and discomfort (it does not fit into the patterns of my life at all, and it desperately needs integration and the injection of soul.)

I see my priorities, I see my values. I will now be better equipped when I read about the spectacular events that seem to be happening to my friends in Facebook every single day. It is very easy for me to think and feel, "I want to do that do." or "I want to have that too." But that is their journey, that is their path. I have my own and it is no less important or spectacular. When I am being distracted or depressed i will go back to this map and remind myself. This is what matters. My own timing is not the same as other people's. I unfold in my own perfect time.

The map reveals to me my outmoded behaviors and habits, what I need to let go of, what I need to do more of. I discover that I need to awaken my Warrior Self.

I realize how many wise teachers have been sent to me and have been with me through all these years. I discover and understand why there are things that I keep going back to, or why some things never fail to bring me the deepest joy.

I realize that it will be my birthday soon and that is why I find myself mapping my life. What will my new year bring to me? What will I bring to myself? Where will I take myself?

"You enter the forest at the darkest point,

where there is no path.

Where there's a way or path,

it is someone else's path;

each human being is a unique phenomenon.

The idea is to find your own pathway to bliss."

- Joseph Campbell

look up

See there among the tabs, one that is titled 365 for 2013. Yes it's my own personal 365 project. It's a humble project, and I designed it to be easy. A picture a day, with a lot of leeway on what kind of a picture it could be. I was inspired by Lisa Congdon's 365 Days Of Handlettering from last year and she even got a book deal out of it before the year ended. Well, I don't think my little project will be book-worthy yet but at the very least it should help establish me as an artist in some distinct and solid way. One of the pictures has already been claimed by a cousin. She offered to buy it but I insisted on giving it as a gift instead. Generosity, especially within the early stages of an endeavor, will go a long way. Good karma always pays.

Meanwhile I am motivated to meet this challenge I set for myself this year. I am still in the early stages so it is easy to get into it but the real test to my commitment will be when work starts to pour in again. I still have my writing to make time for as well as for reading all those books lined up by my bedside table and in my Kindle.

The drawing and the painting soothe me in similar ways as writing does. It is in that momentary transportation into another plane of existence where anything is possible and everything makes sense. Where whatever comes out of the pen or the pencil is real and alive. Where colors speak their hidden names and words reveal their secret powers. Worlds are born. When I am creating stories or images I find peace. I feel a calmness that I could never fully achieve with doing anything else. Writing and making art center me, ground me, keep me tethered to life and just enough sanity to distinguish between this world and the other worlds I travel through when my hand wraps around a pen or a brush or when my fingers start flying over the keys.

Writing and making art are the refuge of my heart when it is besieged by doubt and fear. How I wish and hope that I will one day sustain my physical life with my creations! To get up in the morning eager to work because work would be walking into my studio to add products for my popular art shop or to prepare for a small exhibit or sitting in front of a half-finished book for which an advance has already been received. Blissful indeed.

What dreams are you dreaming this year?

The Gifts of 2012

This old year coming to an end has fulfilled its purpose in my life. Today, on its last day, I want to write something for many reasons -- to end this year with awareness instead of just letting it slip by, to have a post to read on the same day next year, to set my mind and my heart for the new year, and most especially to be grateful for the gifts that this year has given me.

I had thought 2011 to be like a dark tunnel as it led to the Rebirth promised by 2012. Little did I realize that the Rebirth was to be accompanied by intense labor pains that came in overwhelming waves. But with every push there was an aspect of myself that breathed into life.

I wrote a novel. That perhaps is the biggest gift I am grateful for. My rebirth as a writer. I won the NaNoWriMo challenge at the first try and have unlocked the rusted gates of my storytelling.

In addition, I have also written more profusely than ever since I lost my muses sometime way back in the early 2000.

I painted and made art more than I have ever painted and made art in that past sixteen years. I have also invested in a watercolor painting and a photography workshop to help with my creativity.

I have finally regained my reading pace (which I also lost sometime in the early 2000) and met my target of finishing 24 books this year. I have even exceeded it and am close to doubling the number.

I have authenticated the relationships in my life ---letting go of those that harm me and those that inhibit my growth. I have made my peace with those worth keeping, and I have begun to be more nurturing of those I wish to keep and evolve. I have also reached out and forged new ones so that I may deepen and expand my own web of kindred spirits. I made choices and I made decisions on whom I want to share my life with.

I have fallen in love, then out, then in again, (all with the same person) which has certainly messed up my heart's landscape like a hurricane. But in the process I learned new lessons that I never managed to learn in my past heart stories. I am officially retired from leaping "bravely" and blindly into voids without nets, because one of the most important lesson I learned is that when it is truly meant to be, I will not be leaping alone (and Gandalf's friendly eagles will be swooping down in perfect timing to catch us). This year ends with me in love and not totally immune to imagining movie-like last-minute declarations of mutual affection.

I have gained clarity on my career and how it must complement my creative life. And making it work is probably the biggest challenge I will face in the coming year. The rebirth it brought me took me back to square one, on a different playing field, but square one nonetheless. I pray for fortitude, and bucketfuls of optimism.

I have achieved a calmness of spirit that I never could before. I will dare and say that I am even finally learning to be truly patient, and sometimes I can't help but think that the moment I grasp this one single lesson of being patient then everything else will fall into place, because all this time it has only been my stubbornness that has been keeping everything on hold. Who knows. I let go and let the Universe weave its magic and I will not utter a single question of "Is it here yet?"

Have I mentioned that I have fallen in love? Oh yes, I have. More than everything else this is the matter that dangles in front of my eyes as the year draws to a close, like a teasing mistletoe hanging in a roomful of couples where I am the only one without a partner, and the clock will soon strike twelve.

I end this post with a poem, in honor of the rebirth of my writer self, in honor of the creative spirit that dwells in me, and in honor of the love that inspired it, written for him who told me something about how love is like a dance between two people. Maybe one day I will know what it exactly means.

Happy New Year Everyone!

most unexpected gift this Christmas

Possibly the most expensive too. This was given by my dad. ^_^

a book cover

I am being pressured by the empty book cover box in my NaNoWriMo dashboard so I put one together quickly. Here is working cover which basically captures the play of the elements crucial to the story, with a heavier emphasis on water and fire.

Appropriately I used and edited a photo I had taken during my recent trip to the beach this May. The photo was shot beneath the Spider House where we stayed.

And here are my stats for the day. So far, so good.

NaNoWriMo quick post

I am on the fourth day of the NaNoWriMo challenge and I have more than six thousand words.

My novel is a fantasy with magic and dragons and a love story thrown in for good measure.

I mustered up the courage to join and afterwards to persevere with the challenge because I was sent messages by the ghosts of two authors : Doreen Gamboa Fernandez (a local author who was also my journalism professor in college) and Diana Wynne Jones (popular British author of the Chrestomanci series). Appropriately these happened right before Halloween and on All Souls' Day.

My cat Mogget has kept me company through the late writing nights.

I powered myself with coffee, pizza, Coke, and occasional trips to write in McNeighbor for a change of scenery. This was just for the first three days to get me going with the first few thousand words. I am on a good pace now and no longer need extreme measures to keep writing. So far so good.

In the process of writing this novel I have discovered a whole new level of joy.

My novel writing is interspersed with a lot of journal writing, sometimes like a running commentary on how the novel writing is going. Sometimes the novel writing triggers other writing project ideas or life project ideas and I put those down in the journal. I have never written so richly, not since the time I was spilling out love poems almost everyday when I was in my twenties. The poetry has been sparse for the past ten years but I can feel it gearing up for a comeback soon. Oh what lovely time lies ahead!

I invested in a paper dictionary and thesaurus because there is nothing like the feel of paper and smell of ink when you are in the midst of creating a world in words. I also find the dictionary apps and online dictionaries too distracting with too many extras on the side. I also want my resources portable and not dependent on battery life. I want all the battery life of my iPad spent on writing.

A part of me regrets that I have not done this sooner. And then another part of me responds with the thought that there is always a Perfect Time for everything and Now is my Perfect Time for this. There is nothing to regret.