more peeks at settling in

I have fully moved in with my parents and only visit the old place to transport things. I do the transporting by stages in order to manage the cleaning and fixing and arranging, especially of the tons of books that have to be re-organized into various shelves.

I gave priority to fixing my workspace/writing nook because a project is due to begin by end of next week and I really want to get seriously started on the research work for this year's NaNoWriMo. I have also decided to make my workspace more of a writing nook than a day-job workspace. Hence my "work" shelf actually has more of the happy stuff (my library of journals, writing books, notebooks) than the day-job stuff.

I also discovered that having no windows (my corner is literally a corner and under the stairs and walled in by a shelf) somehow helped me work better because I am less sensitive to the passing of the day and thus feel less resentful of feeling that I spent most hours just working on the day-job. The light is constant as if it is always early evening and I often pretend I am a hardworking detective on a mystery crime case working overtime (yes, it has a bit of that feel). Much better than enduring the daylight change from morning to late afternoon and realizing that I have been in the same spot doing the same thing.

A whole new theme and flavor for my writing nook/ work space.

in progress

a very rare selfie, and only because I want to show off the owl print that is now in my writing nook

Today's focus will be the bedroom. I hope to make progress in it well enough to be able to show nice photos. Then next on the list is the bathroom which is now much bigger and also shared with my sister. There is an unbelievable amount of possessions to sort through, combine, de-clutter.

Finding the right balance of co-existence in shared spaces is a very big deal and in that matter I count myself pretty lucky that I get along with my sister. She lives on rigid, almost obsessive but enviable well-orchestrated schedules while I fare better with a flexible day that leaves much space for maneuvering and flowing in any direction. I am more impulsive and indulgent. I am also worse at getting lists ticked off.

my odd sister. queen of calendars, schedule master.

settling in slowly

DIY house moving is very exhausting and very slow. On the other hand it does not cost any money. Except perhaps for the food and beverage treats I allow myself as comfort and reward.

What did cost me money was fixing the new place especially since I have to integrate myself into an existing household instead of simply setting up a new place for myself. There were repairs and upgrades and renovations. There were color palettes to consider. There is now a roommate to consult with constantly.

Hello (Sort of) New Place...

Renovated the living room. Still in progress.

Renovated the dining room. Still in progress.

transitions

I started the whole moving process late last week and it was not easy. It was physically and emotionally exhausting. As of yesterday we have finished repainting the bedroom. Today we will start arranging furniture and things to be able to fit everything, like a giant puzzle. My target is to start settling in by the end of this week so I can resume some semblance of work by next week.

I had mixed feelings all throughout. I was very sad about dismantling my independent life but I was also touched by my parents' excitement at having me home again. I was angry with the bank who cornered me into this decision and I was disappointed with the general scenario of things that left me with very little options.

At the same time I found validation on who my true friends are and how wealthy I am with the genuine affection and care of others.

I make the most of this distressful shift in my life by keeping my faith that this is a necessary turn for me. It may not seem to be the most obvious way to get to England but who knows?

Dismantling a life. Packing up possibilities.  

A Puzzle of Keeping Sanity and Harmony 

New Room WIth A View. Playing With Colors To Frame A New Life Chapter.

Collaborative Artists' Space. New Possibilities.

Sunday Morning

April is not my best month. It started off with two trips out of town for fieldwork (for me that means visiting households to conduct two-hour interviews with consumers) which left me too exhausted to write or make art. Then it has been a mad rush to get things done before another wave of fieldwork comes in at the end of the month. This cycle will last until early July and I have been struggling with finding the time and the energy to write and make art. It is rather frustrating, and it reminds even more strongly of how work can eat up so much of myself.

There was a ray of hope sometime at the end of the second week when I got to talk with a dear friend from years back who is now top boss at an ad agency and was asking me if I would be interested in rejoining the workforce as part of their team. I had half a week to think about it. When time was up I told her I was interested in exploring the possibility further.

So what does it mean? It means leaving the home-based work setup I have had for the past three years. It also means faster savings for London which is the most important and biggest dream I have right now. It means funds for self-publishing my books. It means funds for setting up an art exhibit. (With my old self, money would simply mean retail therapy.)

But more than the money, I found myself looking forward to a new social group. The one I was hoping to bond with in the past three years has proved to be very disappointing. I had thought they were my long lost tribe but I was wrong. It was just like high school all over again with all the cliches and givens and templates. I was an outsider in high school. You get the picture. Heck, I could not even expect a decent reply to a text message. Few things smack of being totally ignored and unimportant as a totally unacknowledged text message.

There is also the advantage of learning new things, and a change of scenery.

However, it must not be misinterpreted that I am bored. I am never bored. And I don't miss agency life. It is more like I see now that it may be time to step back into the old fray as a whole person compared to what I was before and to go into it with my priorities clear and my goals clear. Maybe this time it will finally work with me instead of against me.

I have tried many times in the past three years to consider exploring re-employment but each time the answer from my heart and my core had been a resounding No. This time it feels different, so I finally said Yes. Maybe the lessons have been finally learned. It is Time.

I still don't know how it will all turn out, or whether it will even push through with this agency or another, or when it will happen. But it will happen. I know that now. I will flow back into the system but I will be different. I come from my personal hero's journey, a Wanderer who needed to define herself, and now getting ready to shift into a Warrior, someone with a context and a cause and a purpose. (References from The Hero Within by Carol Pearson - a great enlightening book!)

So these are my thoughts on this Sunday morning as I prepare for some deep working (delving into analysis and interpretation of data) to make progress with the project. I am hoping that having written this blog post I will be able to do some writing with my Camp NaNo stories -- I am way behind and in danger of not completing as I have only written a bit over two thousand words out of forty thousand.

And maybe I can sketch something during my fifteen minute breaks.

How is your Sunday going?