bed-weather wednesday

But I was up early enough to not feel hurried through the morning.

And so far my pace is quite agreeable. 

I am discovering new depths of joy from working with watercolor, dip pens, and ink:

Not to mention that I am absolutely loving my return to the good ol' filofax. Updated with chronodex scheduling and inspired by John Winchester's demon and monster diary. I love the flexibility of adding and removing pages as well as rearranging them. 

I am way behind my word targets for NaNoWriMo but I remain optimistic. This year's novel has been harder to shape than the first and I admit there have been too many distractions and causes of dismay (i.e. Dayjob).

I have gotten around to printing inspirational pegs for my art-making, something that has been on my to-do list for ages.

Being focused and centered, even for the things that you sorely, desperately want and love, can be a challenge in the midst of daily demands that chip away at your strength and resolve. What has been helping me through is writing. I write when I am shaken and I write when I am lost. Somehow the words help me find my way again even if it is only as far as the next tiny step. Sometimes the writing simply helps me stay afloat on the worst of days, either days of raging storms or days of death-like stillness. Between the two the stillness is the more unnerving, when nothing seems to move and you even begin to doubt if the world still breathes. I write through it all, carving paths through the emptiness, holding up the oft-flickering flame of hope that keeps my own heart alive.

catching up

I was greatly inspired by an artist friend who did a thousand 5x5 drawings with another artist and then they set up a small event one evening to offer them for sale. I was inspired not so much by the selling but the fact that they completed a thousand drawings.

Hence I decided to put together my own 4x4 paintings, maybe not a thousand but I am thinking of aiming for a hundred before the year ends. I will even be happy with fifty but I hope I can push myself to making more. This is my first set of six paintings. The images were done with watercolor and Derwent Inktense, the text (except for Begin) overlaid with Overgram. I intend to hand-write the final text when paint is sufficiently dry.

My plan to put up a proper art wall has been delayed given my recent decision to move house so maybe by the time I am ready to put it up there will be more pieces to play with.

monday meanderings

I really should not be meandering. I am up to my eyeballs in to-dos and I have been having bouts of hyperventilation since this morning from sheer stress over work.

Taking power naps help to calm me down, as well as eating. Then there's sneaking in a few chapters from a book and stealing a few minutes to paint.

For the rest of June, my work schedule will be rather tricky. Three projects overlapping. I know I mentioned sometime ago that I would not even attempt doing TWO simultaneous projects and now I have three. What can I say? The bills have to be paid and one of those three projects has proven to be a profit loss for me so I have to make up for that loss by stuffing in two other projects.

Bills and day-jobs can really be major killjoys sometimes.

the infinite stuff

There is no lack. The gifts of the universe are limitless. Be grateful. Know what you want. Be the best you can be. Be authentic. Be true to your passions. What is yours will come to you if you truly believe. Have faith. Life is always good. Be patient. Follow your true path. Find your North Star.

P for Valentine

Head over to my art blog and see some of the reasons I've been too busy to post here. I also had two projects approved so I will have less time for the fun stuff. On the other hand, I get to pay my bills. One day, soon, I will pay my bills with money made from the fun stuff.

P for Valentine. Because I will most likely spend that day in my Pajamas. With a Pen, Pencil, or Paintbrush making magic over Paper. Or absorbed in the Pages of a book.

P could also mean Pride, Prejudice, and Pemberley. But such things happening to me will take a bit more magic than I have on hand, even if it is going to be my birthday. Still, it would not hurt to wish.

sunshine within the storm

I am being thrown about by financial tornados and heart tsunamis. I crawl my way into the eye of the storm and anchor myself with a paintbrush, a pencil, and a pen.

Colds and cough kept me at home today, with not much to do because sudden movements made my head hurt and make me want to throw up. A low fever flits in and out, undecided whether to camp for the weekend or just treat me as a pitstop.

Things certainly look more dreary when you're sick. I surrounded myself with the comfort of my books and made myself busy with art-making. I slept when my eyes started to hurt or when my skin started to burn again.

Watercolor and charcoal is fast becoming my favorite combination. Here I recreated a set of lucky fish that used to hang from my ceiling. I got rid of the fishes when they got torn and too dirty. I don't know if it was coincidence but the money-making projects dried up after that. So I recreated them by hand and will hang them in my home again. Just to be on the safe side of universal rules and schemes and energy flows. Just in case.

This one is a bit of a play with words and ideas and feelings. 

I did not get to do much work-related tasks today. My head hurt when I tried to steer my mind towards serious thoughts that required strategy and rationalization and very careful crafting. After a few failed attempts I decided to put off the work tasks for when I am feeling much better and when my head is more cooperative.

what I have been up to, among other things

I updated my Facebook cover photo.

I also did this.

will soup save the day?

I'm doing something for a possible project that has something to do with soup. Can't really share anything more than that but I am counting on soup's well-known benefits of comfort to save the day and soothe my current worries.

keeping the faith

It's a challenging time for me this month. Some big changes will need to be made while staying true to what matter to me.

A part of me marvels at the nuances of these new experiences. There are insights and lessons to be learned in the situation I find myself in. The test of faith is at its most difficult. Things WILL get better. The tide WILL turn.

Meanwhile I will do what I can and wait for everything else to unfold in its own perfect time.

quick shots

I've been busy -- mainly drawing, painting, writing, reading, and today it was working.

My house chores are way behind but I'm pleased with the creative productivity.

The week started well and hopeful.

Latest piece. I have quite a number of drawings waiting for color in line.

Making the wait for a meeting worthwhile with a book. Finished two books this week.

I have a watcher keeping me safe and supervised every day.

to the farmer's market

“We very strongly hope that the traditional will not be lost. One really worries, because our mothers all cooked but I doubt if our children will. Our grandchildren? Who knows? Maybe they’ll open packages for dinners. There is a real danger of cultural loss if you lose food, just like when you lose a language.” -Doreen G. Fernandez

my sister's dream self

The Girl With Purple Hair And A Flower Tattoo

a surge

I spent most of today painting. Couldn't help it. Couldn't stop. The blank pages drew me in and made me draw.

I finished this one last night.

This is my first finished piece for the day. Watercolor + Gouache

Today's second piece : Watercolor + Gouache + Lace

A Special Piece for my best friend in Canada. The photo does not do justice to the colors or texture so she will still have a bit of a surprise when she gets the real thing. :)

Third piece started but I made myself stop so I could take a breathe and rest. It would not do to deplete my creative well so soon.

I have started drawing and painting in my sketchbooks instead of hiding in the safety of my art journal pages. I can actually tear the pages off and frame the pieces. Maybe I will do that one day.

random thoughts

This little piece is a combination of ink and watercolor on Moleskine.

I really love Merida's (from the film Brave) hair. I miss my big wavy hair from when I was younger. Now my hair just falls straight with suggestions of a few waves.

I am intending to revive snail mailing and I have started asking for people's snail mail addresses. I realized that I do not know anyone's snail mail address.

"and so to bed" is a phrase from one of the short essays from A Gardener's Bedbook which got me started recently on a path of gardens and exploring botanical art and also, in some strange connection, medieval letter art and calligraphy including illuminative art.

My grandmother has been sick and I will be visiting her today to cheer her up.

I've been on a slump for the past 2-3 days and mostly I was doing my best to crawl out uphill on a slippery slope to avoid the pits of sadness. I suspect I was gravely affected by the stresses from work and also the storms that raged through and flooded the city. I was relatively safe and comfortable through it all but the news of the devastations, including the death of animals that could not be saved, were really saddening.

On a brighter note, the sun is out this morning.

Today is unplanned chore day. Because I have been lethargic and sluggish and sad I have not been productive much. But today I am feeling better so I need to clean up.

A fresh round of clutter-clearing is so far the best remedy for combatting dark clouds over one's own head.

A trip to the supermarket and the second-hand bookstore always cheers me up.

letter exchange

Don't get me started on the pains of the work I have just had to deal with (and which isn't totally over yet). But yes, because of that work I haven't had much writing or art to show for the rest of July.

Let me just share from yesterday though a letter exchange between my sister and me. She made me this:

And as a token of thanks I made her this:

My sister's work though is more sale-worthy. She can make them made-to-order. My M will be framed and put up on my planned art wall.

What have you been up to? Is it weird to say I actually missed writing here and talking with you?

saturday night out - after the fact

This is what I wore (an essence of it, at the very least).

I even bothered to paint my nails.

I went with my sister and a friend of ours, Pater Paul, to celebrate our fifth anniversary as kendo players. Although I have not been attending for the past weeks I still want to go back to regular practice. The kendo thing is whole complex story in itself so I won't go into details at this point.

We had dinner and dessert in a cafe. It felt really nice to be out on a Saturday night after so long.

For my part, a lot of feelings were stirred (along with the tea), and one of the things I realized is that I quite miss playing kendo.

However, there is still a lot of work to be done in myself before I can resume practice. There are emotions to be sorted out, truths to be faced, choices and decisions made, reasons clarified.


Another thing I realized is... well, the heart can be tricky and the mind sometimes plays along with it and then where does that leave me? Doomed, I say. A poker-faced heart is not to be trusted.

saturday night out

After a very long time I will be going out again on a Saturday night. Am quite excited, to be honest. Wondering what to wear, and more important, what to have for dessert!

what if

I had a rather strange dream last night where a really scary old witch who looked like a moving desiccated malevolent corpse zapped lightning into my heart. Except that the witch was neither a corpse nor malevolent. Instead she was a very old wise woman who wields a lot of wisdom and magic. When I woke up I realized that I was not afraid of her at all but was actually seeking her help. In the dream she healed a group of injured women and a very troubled man who turned out to be my soul mate. Her healing took out his confusion and he recognized me for who I am.

Now what on earth could that dream mean?

creative storm

Pushed to the brink and dangled over the edge of the abyss, I was left with no choice but to put uncertain hands on blank pages. Soul took over as soon as I relaxed my death grip on reason. I was starving on so many levels but as the pages filled with color and images and words, a sweet delicious taste flooded me and drowned all my inner censors and doubts.

inspired everyday

I am finally making a lot of artsy sketches and drawings in the past few days. I just started. After imagining for months how I would begin to make art when everything is ready, I just started in the midst of nothing being ever ready. And I guess that is the whole point. I will never really be perfectly ready because there will always be distractions and obstacles. But if I really want to make art and live a creative life then I should just go ahead and live one instead of imagining a future that somehow never manages to turn that next corner.

I have been having so much fun and the feeling of satisfaction is simply delightful. I have even taken to doing rough sketches in the middle of the night when an idea strikes me.

This has been a creatively productive week. I have also been reading and writing a lot and my sleep has improved from the previous week.

The weather has fully shifted to the rainy season. I hope for the pouring of more inspiration for everyone.