simmering

like a cauldron bubbling
not so much trouble
but maybe a potful of delight and dreams

The year of true paths is winding towards an end. So much have been learned, most in very painful ways. But I am still here, surviving the consequences of choices and random acts of courage.

There have been losses in so many ways. My head still reels when memory marches before me a string of small tragedies and disappointments and failures long enough to strangle the breath out of anyone with a weaker spirit.

But yes, I believe my spirit is much stronger than it ever was.

As this year ends what is left is clarity.  It has swept through every aspect of my life and shooed away the shadows, forcing me to see.

I end this year better than I ended last year. In a manner of speaking. It is all a matter of perspective. I choose to see it as better.

catching up

I was greatly inspired by an artist friend who did a thousand 5x5 drawings with another artist and then they set up a small event one evening to offer them for sale. I was inspired not so much by the selling but the fact that they completed a thousand drawings.

Hence I decided to put together my own 4x4 paintings, maybe not a thousand but I am thinking of aiming for a hundred before the year ends. I will even be happy with fifty but I hope I can push myself to making more. This is my first set of six paintings. The images were done with watercolor and Derwent Inktense, the text (except for Begin) overlaid with Overgram. I intend to hand-write the final text when paint is sufficiently dry.

My plan to put up a proper art wall has been delayed given my recent decision to move house so maybe by the time I am ready to put it up there will be more pieces to play with.

My Reading Buffet, or Why I Read More Than Ten Books At A Time

Ten books is an understatement. If I were to trust my Goodreads record I actually have about eighty books on my Currently Reading List. But I want to keep the number to the books I have been actively reading through for the past two weeks.

Reading multiple books naturally slows me down but just to be clear, I do get to finish them. According to my Goodreads record, again, I am 28%, or 11 books, ahead of this year's Reading Challenge.

Books are my therapy. More specifically, owning them, reading them, and highlighting my favorite passages, not to mention copying those passages and using them in my various writings. I read both fiction and non-fiction, popular as well as literary works. I am partial to fantasy and mythologies and books with magic.

But why do I read so many at the same time? Because I get impatient. And I have this irrational need to feel that I am moving along more than one story. Maybe it is a way of filling my near-absent social life, filling in my social calendar with different stories instead of different parties. But I also like pursuing a thread of thought or the urge of a mood as soon as possible. That is the impatience working. The thought or the urge could be triggered by anything. It could be a genuine need for knowledge and information that could be useful for my work. It could be pure whim or curiosity from hearing a book or an author or a subject mentioned in fils, or even another book, that has moved me in some way. Neil Gaiman gets me going on a lot of reading, helping me discovering authors and genres in the process, expanding my reading appreciation. So does Joseph Campbell and Julia Cameron.

I have this strange constant sense of running out of time. As if I am forever cramming for an exam or a graded recitation. I have this constant hunger, every single day, to learn something new or to feed myself new images and words and stories. I can feel that what I read buoy me up and help me survive every endeavor and every encounter. What I read may inspire me, or literally provide me with a nugget of knowledge that will enable me to save the day, or guide me in the decisions I have to make. Books are my lifeline. They anchor me amidst the sea of unpredictability of the everyday. They remind me of my values and set examples by which to conduct my life (Thank you, Jane Austen).

I seek the variety because it makes me feel that I am covering as much ground as I can. Who knows when familiarity with a specific subject might come in handy? I guess I also don't want to be limited to a very narrow range of topics that could severely limit my already challenged conversational skills. I make up for not being updated with current news and events by being well-versed in books. (I avoid the daily news because I avoid all the negativity and anger and vicious circles of blaming.)

I cannot be idle and not read. While I do enjoy the occasional meditative silence of being still, for most of the time I have to have a reading material of substance in my hands. A book or two in my bag plus books loaded in my smartphone and tablet give me the same comfort as a fully-loaded survival kit in a zombie apocalypse.

My reading list covers a wide range. I follow my heart which pages it wishes to explore at any given moment because that is also when I know that I will get the most from a book.

As of today here are what top my active list:

In my Kindle I have:

The Cuckoo's Calling, by Robert Galbraith
The Twenty-Four Hour Mind, by Rosalind Cartwright
Daily Rituals: How Artists Work, by Mason Currey
Writing Well, by William Zinsser
Writing To Learn, by Willian Zinsser

I love finding unexpected connections between the books I read, even when they seem so different. The important lessons gets echoed because they are important. And when I badly need some clue, a hint of budge in the right direction, my books often come to the rescue. Or sometimes, a simple line can bring a whole load of comfort when I feel most alone in a dreary endeavor and resolution seems too far away, such as this quote from Kafka:

"...time is short, my strength is limited, the office is a horror, the apartment is noisy, and if a pleasant, straightforward life is not possible then one must try to wriggle through by subtle maneuvers." -- excerpted from Daily Rituals: How Artists Work.

What's on your reading list this week?

clarity in the deep

watercolor, derwent inktense, on 300GSM rough paper

I am standing by my choice three years ago. I thought I could compromise but I couldn't. I have to be certain. I have to be clear.

So life may be a tougher and tighter a little while longer. But I don't mind. I have my books, my writing, and my art. I can feel the love of my family. I can feel the support of true friends.

Inspiration surrounds me everyday. There is so much around me that bring me joy and they don't cost a single centavo. Because they have been mine all along. Or they have been free for the taking all along.

London is still happening. Maybe not in the most obvious way. But it is happening. The Doctor and Sherlock agree on it.

do more happy

Yes, yes, I should be working not sneaking another blog post.

But this particular project I am working on has been triggering all my inner alarms. It has even led me directly into an old Evernote entry where I made a first attempt to craft my Life Purpose according to Jack Canfield's Success Principles plus a host of other inspirational books.

My first attempt was true but trying too hard. It was unwieldy.

This time's attempt is clearer and it gave me that feeling of rightness.

And here it is : MY PURPOSE IS TO USE MY CREATIVITY AND IMAGINATION TO INSPIRE PEOPLE WITH STORIES AND IMAGES IN ORDER TO ENCOURAGE AN AUTHENTIC LIFE LIVED WITH MEANING AND MAGIC.

And you know what, it starts with the very example of my own life. Which brings me back as to why my inner alarms were sounding so loud. The path that I have been considering is not one that makes me feel happy or fulfilled. My logical mind can argue for its financial benefits but not much else. There is admirable leadership within that path but the day-to-day realities that will impact most on myself, my sanity, my purpose, are where the not-too-happy feeling is coming from.

A dear friend called me up from Indonesia the other day and she has given me a lot of good advice to think about. But one important thing she made me realize is appreciation for the amazingness that is my life right now. It may not pass social standards of a typical successful life but it does pass for the many people who have expressed their desire to be able to do what I did -- to take the captain's wheel of my life and navigate it through a temperamental sea. To be willing to throw so many things overboard. To leave the safe harbor.

It has not been an easy journey. I will admit that there were many many times I considered heading back to shore. 

But then every morning there is a beautiful sun that rises from the horizon, turning the water around me into gold.

apple morning

I got some gala apples from the grocery yesterday. I have been craving for fresh fruits but I am flabbergasted by how expensive they are. I got a few apples and a couple of grapefruits.

I had strange dreams last night of moving into a new office that looked like a house. People had typewriters instead of computers.

It really depends on the apple... but I would love a David Tennant doctor anytime.

What am I up to today? Surprisingly, maybe because I took time to wake up slowly, and then made myself breakfast without rushing, and then I made time for taking photos (all photos taken with my digital SLR), I am actually feeling benevolent about working. I have lined up my frogs and it will be a rather long day.

But on the side I promised myself I will 1) read 2) draw or paint in my small notebook 3) write at least one scene for the novel - there is a character who has been hovering in my head trying to catch my attention.

snapshots

Bills to pay loom every month. I have to keep working to keep paying. I wish there was a better alternative to all this.

I badly want to make art but I am struggling with work.

A little bit made for someone whom I really like and admire so much and who has been inspiring me no end for the past eight years.

My NaNoWriMo novel is getting some good treatment in between heavy loads of work. 

Recovering old titles I had and loved and sold years before to raise funds for a trip.

Discovered and loving Snapeee, a photo app.

What I hope to do more consistently every single day.

A Working Weekend

It is no use fighting it. I must work really hard from today until Tuesday.

The most I can do to help myself is to have a clear and clean desk, energy drinks stocked in the fridge, food ready and easy to prepare, no interruptions and distractions.

Break activity options are: reading one short story, Twitter, Instagram, or a power nap.

It's amazing how our lives can look so interesting with a few filters and careful curation.

On the other hand, seeing my daily life this way reminds me of what really matters to me. I am also steered towards the more positive side of things. Appreciation for the little things that would otherwise go unnoticed or be overwhelmed by the not-so-good things which we always tend to magnify.

Keep Calm and Buy Books

Keep calm and buy books. Secondhand so you can buy three for the price of a brand new one. Then count the days (6) until you can start reading to restore the wreck you have become after juggling two big projects in an effort to raise funds for monthly bills and dreams of travel (still not enough).

The past few days have been sprinkled with delays and time snarls. In the next few days the repercussions of those delays will be fully felt and I will most likely be a zombie by Tuesday evening.

Still, the work I did this week is not without its hidden nuggets of inspiration. And help does come in some form when you absolutely need it. And there is always my health and my skills to be grateful for. And there is always Sherlock and the Doctor and Neil Gaiman.  

novel in progress

My Derwent Inktense has opened up new ways of making art and creating illustrations for my fantasy novel which I started out last November via NaNoWriMo. I am in no rush to publish because I want it to be done well. I have decided it will be an illustrated novel and that I want it printed on "aged"-looking paper. Which means that actual printing will probably take a while and I will have to start with digital publishing if I want to get all the colors and images in. I will be self-publishing so I only have myself yelling at myself to get some work done everyday.

Here is the draft of my cover:

And here is my initial attempt at a map. I need one because the place is pure invention.

One of the key items in the story is an urn and I have imagined it to be this:

I find myself progressing faster when I added the illustration work alongside the writing. So it is like watching and listening at the same time and then somehow managing to take it all down on paper as the story unfolds. Rather tricky but also surprisingly motivating. The story feels more substantial because I have visual anchors. Besides, I have always loved the interplay between words and images and I am delighted to have the opportunity to use both in this story.

At some point I would like to be able to draw people because there are some scenes I would just love to portray. I can draw women but drawing men needs more practice. We'll see how that goes.

I might also begin on some illustrations for the poetry books and those I need to prioritize because they will be "released" ahead. By released I mean producing the book in high-quality PDF/e-book format and sharing a portion of the first volume for free, like a Kindle sample. Then the full volume can be available by order. I don't know yet how I will do the sharing and ordering but I guess I will just play it by ear.

What have you been up to lately?

pre-birthday project : a life map

It just struck me this morning. And then I found myself mapping my life. Greatly inspired by Joseph Campbell's Pathways To Bliss.

At the core of the map is heeding Campbell's call to follow my bliss. Then I break it out into four key aspects: Body, Mind, Heart, Spirit. In each aspect I identify my influences and inspirations, and how my life actually manifests in these areas. I am now able to see where I need more nurturing, where I need more growth. I suddenly see why my work (i.e. dayjob) has been causing me so much ache and discomfort (it does not fit into the patterns of my life at all, and it desperately needs integration and the injection of soul.)

I see my priorities, I see my values. I will now be better equipped when I read about the spectacular events that seem to be happening to my friends in Facebook every single day. It is very easy for me to think and feel, "I want to do that do." or "I want to have that too." But that is their journey, that is their path. I have my own and it is no less important or spectacular. When I am being distracted or depressed i will go back to this map and remind myself. This is what matters. My own timing is not the same as other people's. I unfold in my own perfect time.

The map reveals to me my outmoded behaviors and habits, what I need to let go of, what I need to do more of. I discover that I need to awaken my Warrior Self.

I realize how many wise teachers have been sent to me and have been with me through all these years. I discover and understand why there are things that I keep going back to, or why some things never fail to bring me the deepest joy.

I realize that it will be my birthday soon and that is why I find myself mapping my life. What will my new year bring to me? What will I bring to myself? Where will I take myself?

"You enter the forest at the darkest point,

where there is no path.

Where there's a way or path,

it is someone else's path;

each human being is a unique phenomenon.

The idea is to find your own pathway to bliss."

- Joseph Campbell

a surge

I spent most of today painting. Couldn't help it. Couldn't stop. The blank pages drew me in and made me draw.

I finished this one last night.

This is my first finished piece for the day. Watercolor + Gouache

Today's second piece : Watercolor + Gouache + Lace

A Special Piece for my best friend in Canada. The photo does not do justice to the colors or texture so she will still have a bit of a surprise when she gets the real thing. :)

Third piece started but I made myself stop so I could take a breathe and rest. It would not do to deplete my creative well so soon.

I have started drawing and painting in my sketchbooks instead of hiding in the safety of my art journal pages. I can actually tear the pages off and frame the pieces. Maybe I will do that one day.

inspired everyday

I am finally making a lot of artsy sketches and drawings in the past few days. I just started. After imagining for months how I would begin to make art when everything is ready, I just started in the midst of nothing being ever ready. And I guess that is the whole point. I will never really be perfectly ready because there will always be distractions and obstacles. But if I really want to make art and live a creative life then I should just go ahead and live one instead of imagining a future that somehow never manages to turn that next corner.

I have been having so much fun and the feeling of satisfaction is simply delightful. I have even taken to doing rough sketches in the middle of the night when an idea strikes me.

This has been a creatively productive week. I have also been reading and writing a lot and my sleep has improved from the previous week.

The weather has fully shifted to the rainy season. I hope for the pouring of more inspiration for everyone.

life in square boxes

I have "launched" a photo album in my Facebook titled "Life In Square Boxes". It's a collection of daily life photography showcasing the simple and mundane details of everyday life but also hinting on the joys and little magics beneath each one.

It's a venue for my photography practice as well as my affirmation practice because in each image I make myself see the seeds of hope that I string together to lead me forward in my creative journeys. Like Ariadne's thread, this string of hope will keep me from getting lost despite seeming dead-ends and collapsed pathways, and even ambush attacks.

It is also an exercise in discovery as the ordinary takes on the perspective of the extraordinary, how little things can lead to big inspirations. It's an enjoyable way to feed the Muse.

How do you find inspiration everyday?

requesting rewind and restart from the universe

Will be off from blogging for a few more days. My mom has been sick since Monday and at first it seemed like ordinary flu. But at 3AM this morning she has been admitted to the hospital because the symptoms have become unusual and she needed more observation and stronger medicines.

Finances are very tight and this turn of event has been unexpected. At times like these it is a challenge to keep oneself inspired and optimistic but I do my best. I also wish that I could do a rewind and restart on some aspects of my life, like let's say, tweak a few key decisions from when I was just in college to when I was in my first job, and then when I was in my second job. They would certainly ease the feelings of exhaustion and regret that I am feeling right now given the details and realities of my present life.

My sister keeps saying that it helps to think and believe that we are always at the right place at the right time, and that even the worst experiences can truly be heralds of unbelievably better things. Lessons learned are always invaluable and we just really have to keep the faith.

How do you keep the faith through every day's challenge?

"But we can, perhaps, stop and reflect long enough to work out what we really need from our money (and the precious time spent to earn it) and what we want, ultimately and deeply, from life.

Everyone has a different notion of what it means to survive. We are born into a one budget and blossom into another based on the times.

Every act of life is loaded with so much more gear, technology, equipment, and expense.

Restraint. Proportion. Invention. All form a holy trinity to living better, and deeper, without so many of the props."

-Anna Johnson

day 6 : Draw Your Favorite Book

My favorite book is poemcrazy by Susan Goldsmith Wooldridge. I got it in May of 1997 and my copy is so yellowed and the pages are starting to get brittle. This book has gotten me through many phases in my life and has certainly gotten me to write countless poems (some of which I hope to self-publish soon). It has kept me sane by helping me contain my insanities. It has nurtured my creative spirit. It has comforted and consoled me in my sad days. And most importantly it has always inspired me to explore my own path  and map my own journey in words.

starting the 30-day drawing challenge

As part of my intentions to live a creative and inspired life, I will now embark on the 30-day drawing challenge. My sister attempted it a few weeks back but she only got up to Day 12. She is also the one who recommended that I try it.

If you're interested you can check out their Facebook page.

I will post my Day 1 drawing tonight. :)

a universe of hope

I had a really bad case of insomnia last night. I was only able to fall asleep at almost 5AM. I suspect it was the sudden surge of creative energy. First it was the Ganesh drawing. Then my fingers were still itching so I made another collage. I started on a third but I was already too tired from the long day of work so I made myself go to bed. And had insomnia.

This morning the first thing I did after making myself a fresh cup of coffee was to continue the third collage. This time it's a combination of images and text.

The text came from a journal entry that I actually do not clearly remember writing. It was written while I was in Hong Kong and I'm guessing I must have written it while I was very very tired and I was just probably taking dictation from the writing muse inside me. When I read it, it feels like reading somebody else's writing. A bit weird, actually, hahaha. I picked this piece of text because it best reflected the sentiments coming from the images I have put together. Also, the fact that I could not exactly remember writing the text adds a bit of otherworldly feel to the whole piece.

The paper folds in from the sides like a window. So when it is opened, one is greeted by a forest of words and flowers.

The full text goes:

Today there was the touching of the hand. Naturally, like it has always been done. Today there were many tiny boundaries crossed. But much more remain un-breached. And still so many walls up.


Sometimes I am on the verge of being overwhelmed. Mostly by the yearning to be near.


I have ten thousand stories lined up in my head. Simple and complex variations on how it could be.


I dreaded these days. The long mornings, afternoons, and evenings of getting to know him. Of getting used to the rhythms of his presence just as I am used to my own breathing.


Sometimes I am suffused with the simple joy of his attention. And sometimes I am crushed by the little ways he does not see me.


Often I would question myself on the spot, at various moments, testing the waters of my own feelings. How do I feel at that exact point in time? There would be times when there is nothing, and I would feel relief. There would be times when there is yearning, and I would feel sadness. There would be times when there is a black void of possibility and I would feel fear. And sometimes there would be moments of very brief flashes of something akin to love and I would feel a warmth and a joy in my heart and a small part of my soul would reach out to him, an unseen hand touching his face in that tender way that lovers do.


Sometimes I get to convince myself that it is all nothing. That it was just the product of inconvenient circumstances and predefined conditions. Nothing fateful, just logic. There is no magic, no fairy tale. 


And then he does something, a little thing, the tiniest gesture. And all that nothing becomes a universe of hope.



****
And now I can feel a fourth piece simmering on my fingertips. Who turned on the inspiration faucet? Not that I'm complaining. :)

last day of toil

Today is the last day of work for the current Other Business project. By tomorrow morning I will be presenting results to Client and then I could take a bit of a breather before facing what's next on my very full calendar. At the very least I will have some time to recuperate and recharge and rethink some things through.

As I worked and half-hallucinated through the past few nights I also came into a few significant realizations about where this life journey is going, or should be going. I got a lot of insights from my sister (she helped keep me awake through Yahoo messenger) and I will work on those insights after I have slept off the exhaustion of today's project. Maybe by Thursday. Those insights should further fine-tune the map I am charting for myself.

Meanwhile here are random snapshots as I spent the past few days imprisoned in my home office.

This morning's hot chocolate. A break from the endless cups of coffee I consumed through the night.

Mogget takes my seat everytime I get up to stretch and walk around the room. The Harmony App (from the Apple App Store)  reminds and forces me to take 2-3 minute breaks every hour.

Once in a while I will work on the bed for a change of scene and Mogget would join me to sleep on the documents I am working on. 

Lists help keep my sanity intact as I write and tick off every detail I need to get done each day. Sometimes it can feel like nothing is moving at all and no progress is being made. Those are the toughest times.

I re-arranged my home to change the feel of my work-space. I was starting to have negative work associations within my own home and I needed to shake it off. This time I pushed the dining table to one side and used it as a working desk instead of using my usual computer desk by the window.

When I am on extremely stressful situations like now, I also somehow gain a certain clarity on what I want and what is important to me. Some things repeat themselves because I have not resolved them. Some things are new as I evolve from previous resolutions. If I am to focus on the things that do go right in every moment, then I will focus on how the past nights have made my life goals sharper. So sharp that if I make a careless move I could cut myself quite deep.

I have watched myself do and not do things, and every small decision is a sign pointing to what I should fix about myself, and also what I should accept about my realities. Then I should pay more attention to what will move me forward in a continuous motion, and what intentions I should declare to myself every chance I can.

Following a path like mine, unhinged from the mainstream track that everyone else is moving on, is a daily challenge and also a daily reward. I just really have to be clear and to be steadfast and to remain faithful in every sense.

How do you get yourself from the start of every day through to the end and still be fully alive, fearless, and hopeful?

2012 : the Year of Rebirth

I have mentioned in a previous post that for the past four years I have picked up on themes for each new year. This new year brings with it a Year of Rebirth, a fitting follow-through to this old year's return to one's roots. After making peace with the past, our histories, and the consequences of old decisions, we are now ready to move forward and to face life with a fuller heart and a fuller spirit. More whole. A renewed self continues the journey of life.

2011 has been like a dark tunnel for me, with only the glimpses of light at its end spurring me on. Emerging, finally, from a labyrinth of trials and challenges I am like a child emerging from the womb. While I may be more vulnerable in my raw self I have also regained a sense of wonder and joy and magic. I am also now stronger in other ways, and with a clearer purpose. My life's compass has found its north and I am now somehow getting better at making new maps and charting courses for my journeys. I have given up some things in the process but I believe that what I will gain later on will be much much more.

Here are the little embryos and seedlings of 2011 that are waiting to emerge fully in 2012. While I have been doing a few of them for many years it is only in the past year that I have re-evaluated how they are contributing to my living a fulfilled and authentic life. For some, it is only in the past year that I have been able to actually do anything tangible. The old year has been both a painful and enriching experience.

more Crafting and Creative Journeys

The rediscovery of my passions has been a major event for me. While the actual process was slow and at times even excruciating, the reward of knowing where I really want to go and what I really want to do is simply priceless. The new year presents a daunting task of being true to what I love but I trust that my heart will show me every way and that the Universe always helps those who seek with the soul.

a Happier and more Inspired Home

As part of my practice of authenticity, I embrace who I am and my home now reflects myself instead of hiding and camouflaging who I am. I open myself to kindred spirits and invite love and friendships and opportunities. I surround myself with inspiration and seek to inspire others as well through example.

a more Discerning and Patient Heart

After two decades I finally learn the lesson of patience and keeping still. While I acknowledge my own strengths and powers to shape my life, I could not shape the heart of others. But by being true to myself then everything else will follow and there will be no need to yearn or to strive or to scheme. The how of fairy tales has always been in the domain of the Universe. All I have now is the faith that there is a happily ever after unfolding before me.

Knowing and Doing What Really Matters

I was supposed to do a monthly highlight in photos for 2011 but I realized that there are huge gaps in my journals and photo albums because of being enslaved by work and the need for money. I do not dismiss the necessity of money but I should never lose sight of why I gave up my easy access to it two years ago. If I calm myself down I will see that help is sent at exactly the perfect time. There is no need to waste time and energy fretting and worrying. Instead I should channel those time and energy into creating and loving. I also learned that compromising out of despair (such as accepting work for less than adequate fees just to have something) never works in the long run. It takes its toll on the heart and the spirit and derails me from my true journey.

Valuing Family and True Friends

The number of people who actually greeted me and sent me gifts this Christmas have gone down to a number that I could count with my two hands. On the other hand, I have strengthened and deepened the bonds of the few and precious that have actually remained. Going back to my family roots and reviving my relationships with my cousins, aunts, and especially my grandmother have added substance to the core of my self -- particularly because they make up the ancestral tree of my creativity.

more Earth-Conscious Living

I read a story somewhere about a man who would walk down the beach at low tide and he would pick up stranded starfish and throw them back to the sea to save them. Another man told him that there are too many and he would not be able to save all and it would not make a difference. The man who was saving the starfish picked one up and threw it to the water and said "Well, it sure made a difference to that one."

That's how I want to look at my own little efforts to live an earth-friendly lifestyle. Every little thing counts. It will all count.

more Meaningful Travels

What I now lack in travel budget I make up for in meaning and memories. Instead of coming home with a bag full of shopping that I mostly bought on impulse, I now come home with a camera full of photos capturing every mundane moment turned magical.

a Stronger Spirit (and body!), a Braver Heart

The greatest challenge of my life so far and I am amazed that I have not given up on kendo. I will be taking the exam on February and it is something that I both want and don't want. It terrifies me. I hate it. It reveals me in all my weaknesses including the worst of it, my physical weakness. It crushes me in ways that nothing else can. But I know that on my death bed I will be regretting it if I gave up. So I will not give up. (God help me.) 

a Daily Life of Simple Joys, and Contentment without Compromise

Calmness, simplicity, honesty. No unnecessary indulgences but no deprivations. Taking care of myself as much as I take care of others. No more guilt. No more self-recrimination. No need to acquire possessions to masquerade as accomplishments. I will create what I need and what I want. As much as it is in my power. I will dispose of what I don't need and what I don't want. I will keep only what is essential, what keeps me true. The rest I leave in the hands of the Universe. 

Happy new year everyone!