the infinite stuff

There is no lack. The gifts of the universe are limitless. Be grateful. Know what you want. Be the best you can be. Be authentic. Be true to your passions. What is yours will come to you if you truly believe. Have faith. Life is always good. Be patient. Follow your true path. Find your North Star.

The Gifts of 2012

This old year coming to an end has fulfilled its purpose in my life. Today, on its last day, I want to write something for many reasons -- to end this year with awareness instead of just letting it slip by, to have a post to read on the same day next year, to set my mind and my heart for the new year, and most especially to be grateful for the gifts that this year has given me.

I had thought 2011 to be like a dark tunnel as it led to the Rebirth promised by 2012. Little did I realize that the Rebirth was to be accompanied by intense labor pains that came in overwhelming waves. But with every push there was an aspect of myself that breathed into life.

I wrote a novel. That perhaps is the biggest gift I am grateful for. My rebirth as a writer. I won the NaNoWriMo challenge at the first try and have unlocked the rusted gates of my storytelling.

In addition, I have also written more profusely than ever since I lost my muses sometime way back in the early 2000.

I painted and made art more than I have ever painted and made art in that past sixteen years. I have also invested in a watercolor painting and a photography workshop to help with my creativity.

I have finally regained my reading pace (which I also lost sometime in the early 2000) and met my target of finishing 24 books this year. I have even exceeded it and am close to doubling the number.

I have authenticated the relationships in my life ---letting go of those that harm me and those that inhibit my growth. I have made my peace with those worth keeping, and I have begun to be more nurturing of those I wish to keep and evolve. I have also reached out and forged new ones so that I may deepen and expand my own web of kindred spirits. I made choices and I made decisions on whom I want to share my life with.

I have fallen in love, then out, then in again, (all with the same person) which has certainly messed up my heart's landscape like a hurricane. But in the process I learned new lessons that I never managed to learn in my past heart stories. I am officially retired from leaping "bravely" and blindly into voids without nets, because one of the most important lesson I learned is that when it is truly meant to be, I will not be leaping alone (and Gandalf's friendly eagles will be swooping down in perfect timing to catch us). This year ends with me in love and not totally immune to imagining movie-like last-minute declarations of mutual affection.

I have gained clarity on my career and how it must complement my creative life. And making it work is probably the biggest challenge I will face in the coming year. The rebirth it brought me took me back to square one, on a different playing field, but square one nonetheless. I pray for fortitude, and bucketfuls of optimism.

I have achieved a calmness of spirit that I never could before. I will dare and say that I am even finally learning to be truly patient, and sometimes I can't help but think that the moment I grasp this one single lesson of being patient then everything else will fall into place, because all this time it has only been my stubbornness that has been keeping everything on hold. Who knows. I let go and let the Universe weave its magic and I will not utter a single question of "Is it here yet?"

Have I mentioned that I have fallen in love? Oh yes, I have. More than everything else this is the matter that dangles in front of my eyes as the year draws to a close, like a teasing mistletoe hanging in a roomful of couples where I am the only one without a partner, and the clock will soon strike twelve.

I end this post with a poem, in honor of the rebirth of my writer self, in honor of the creative spirit that dwells in me, and in honor of the love that inspired it, written for him who told me something about how love is like a dance between two people. Maybe one day I will know what it exactly means.

Happy New Year Everyone!

post-birthday post

That was probably the calmest birthday ever, filled with quiet happiness and serene joy. I celebrated it in the simplest way. I started the day with no expectations.

Instead I focused on gratitude --- for being alive, for being healthy, for having my family close by, for having kept a handful of friends who equal the worth of a thousand, for having a home of my own, for having enough to live by, for being continuously inspired, for being always helped at the exact moment of need, for all the clues and way-signs placed along the path of my creative journey, and for all the other beautiful things, both big and small, that make this life just a little bit easier and happier.

At around 1AM of February 14, before going to bed, I opened my grandma's gift which turned out to be a boxful of dolls for using in my creative crafts. She knew I've been wanting these ever since I saw her use the dolls for her own projects.

I woke up hours later with a light and cheerful heart. And for the first time I actually took time and care to dress up (in previous years I was fussy about being fussy about my birthday)-- and wore a heart-shaped ring and my heart-designed shoes, and a bright pink mini-dress.

There were a few snags, like my baking oven suddenly breaking down so I was not able to make my family-famous old-fashioned strawberry pie. After a moment I thought, maybe today what I am meant to do is to receive. I have been thinking so much of what I could give and share with others on my birthday that I was probably unconsciously fussing about it. Maybe I was supposed to just sit back and let things unfold without me always trying to have my input.

The plan was to visit my grandma so she could give her birthday blessing. She prepared a simple lunch of home-cooked adobo and my cousin Jennie also showed up with delicious spicy sausage pasta. Lunch was heartwarming and stomach-filling! And unlike a real party where I had to entertain and socialize, we all settled into our own little corners in my grandma's house to do our own thing. My sister, cousin Jennie, and I found our coffee corner in the kitchen while my Grandma crafted and my mom played with our niece and my aunt washed the dishes.

grandma with her great-granddaughter

my mom with my niece

mine are the ones with heart. the big and small matching pairs belong to my cousin Jennie and her daughter Jaine -- yes, she hand-designed them too. it runs in the family.

One of the things I have stopped expecting are surprise (especially wrapped) gifts -- and suddenly they were there!

these had two pairs of pretty shorts and a beautifully patterned shower curtain that perfectly matched my home

this is a brand-new LP from a friend who knew i had a stash of vintage ones that are all old and scratchy

and this may strike you as funny but i LOVE these shoes from our very own shop so my mom decided to buy it from the shop and give it to me so that i get to have it and also make money from it :D

We got home at around 4PM and I wanted a nap. My sister and I planned to step out during the evening to grab some dessert.

While relaxing at home, someone dropped by unexpectedly with:

Three Red Long-Stemmed Roses! Believe it or not, the first ever three red roses in my entire life. (No, I am not counting the roses I received from my high school students when I was a high school teacher.)

The roses came with a big scrapbook kit. Did you notice that my gifts are beginning to have a theme of being creativity-inspired?

I had dinner at my parents' home during which we shared leftovers from my kitchen and theirs, and then my sister and I stepped out for dessert and coffee. We ran into a lot of dating couples and women with huge bouquets in their arms but I was ever so happy to be finally beyond getting envious or jealous.

We stayed out until almost midnight, and then I was home. My birthday was filled with simple joys and surprises, and I didn't have to spend anything. No rushing, no fussing, no wishful thinking, no expectations.

Hello, New Year of My Life.

second day, more happy

It's the second day of the new year and the first day back to work for most people.

I do have a research project to do (my original business) for the first couple of months of this year but I am pacing it better this time. So today I only checked emails and did updates to my partner supplier and my accountant. I will slide in slowly into project mode by tomorrow afternoon.

Today I did a few errands to the bank and then I went with my mom to visit my grandma. It's actually a new year visit plus I just had this urge to see her. She was so happy to see me and we had a long conversation during which she told me about how she amazed everyone at the Senior Citizens' Christmas Party by dancing the cha-cha. She also gave me and my sister a lot of fabric scraps, buttons, beads, and a belt hole puncher for our craft projects. Then she gave me chocolates and an apple and an orange, and a pair of pink slippers -- I actually felt like a child as my arms grew fuller with all the goodies and I felt very very happy.

Since she has given me so much already, I insisted on buying and paying for one of the handmade decors she has for sale. She insisted in turn to sell at a ridiculous price. I got this very pretty decorative container which I placed on my entrance table.

Made from recycled softdrink bottle, plastic flowers and a very cute doll. The doll's dress is also handmade by my grandma.

My grandma made me think about maybe having a very small birthday party on my birthday next month. If ever, it will be seriously small, like really close friends and family. And it will be vintage-themed so my grandma can dance her cha-cha. We'll see. :)

On the way home I dropped by the supermarket to pick up cat food and was literally overjoyed to see that the supermarket has shifted from plastic to paper bag. The supermarket personnel are also encouraging customers to buy reusable eco bags. I already brought mine so the supermarket person actually pointed to my bag which was being filled with my purchases to illustrate the usefulness of the eco-bag.

Things are looking good. ^__^

gifts and goodies

A quick break from Christmas cramming to share with you some snapshots of this year's gifts and goodies.

bread pudding with mixed fruits

decorative tape used on kraft paper instead of buying printed giftwrapper

my color theme

hand-designed gift tags

13 Things I Would Love To Receive For Christmas

This is, of course, aside from world peace, good health, and successful businesses.

Unlike before when there are a zillion things I would like to buy for myself merely because I have become overwhelmed by all the new things I felt I needed to keep up with, I now have very specific things I want with very specific reasons for wanting them.

1
A camera bag from Jo Totes. Or two.

2
A macro lens for my camera

3
One year supply of Mod Podge (because it is quite expensive and I really need it for all my crafting)

4
One year subscription to National Geographic magazine

5
An Amazon Gift Certificate worth at least $100

6
An Instax Fuji camera in chocolate with 12 packs of film

7
Popcorn Hour Networked Media Jukebox

8
A brand new and better induction stove (because my current one is starting to show problems)

9
A Lotus Spa gift certificate (the most pampering treatment)

10
A beautiful vintage piece : a typewriter or a turntable or a camera or a cash register or a sewing machine

11
A set of yummy fruit flavored bath gels like the ones from Philosophy

12
A big thick Moleskine sketchbook

13
An all-expense-paid trip to any place I love

little gifts

Sadly I could not practice kendo today because of the pain in my left leg. I consoled myself with preparing the little gifts for our friends -- we bought a box of different-flavored mochi in Hong Kong and divided them by three and I packaged them nicely. I used small designed cookie plastic packs and leftover gold string from last Christmas. Inexpensive but thoughtful. :)