midyear review

Come with a whoop,and come with a call.
Come with a whole heart or not at all.
(Neil Gaiman, The Ocean At The End Of The Lane)

I am on my third year of being independent from employed work. It has been a very rough road but every time I look back, even though there are a few tweaks I would like to have done, I never ever regretted the move to resign from a very lucrative employment.

Whenever I look back, what stand out are the shining moments of my rediscovery of my passions. The first time I painted after more than two decades. The first time I wrote a novel. The first time I acknowledged how much I love writing, reading, and making art after many years of believing that they were dispensable hobbies next to the career that everyone measured me with.

Last year the solo work got to a point that I was desperate. I was in danger of losing my home because I had missed payments. There were no projects for more than six months. I wished for a job.

This year the job came. And so did the projects. And I found myself in a quandary. But in the end I chose to be true to what I have become.

It sounds crazy. A steady, most likely very fat, paycheck given up for a continued life of financial roulette. All I had to do was say yes. But I said no.

It was not an easy decision. But my heart has been more vocal since I started on this particular journey and it would not give me peace. My mind came up with exquisite arguments, logical explanations of the hows which, I have always been told, should be left in the hands of the Universe. Logic can only take me so far. In the end, will I be happy? Will I wake up in the morning with optimism or with dread? Will I risk the joyful creative life I have started to build for a life that satisfied only the expectations of others?

At the hardest point of my contemplation, Neil Gaiman's The Ocean At The End Of The Lane presented itself like a sign. It had completely slipped my mind that it would be out already, and I stumbled into it on the way to a client meeting. A beacon amidst the turmoil of my own thoughts.

"How can you be happy in this world? You have a hole in your heart. You have a gateway inside you to lands beyond the world you know. They will call you, as you grow. There can never be a time when you forget them, when you are not, in your heart, questing after something you cannot have, something you cannot even properly imagine, the lack of which will spoil your sleep and your day and your life, until you close your eyes for the final time...you will die with a hole inside you, and you will wail and curse at a life ill-lived." (Neil Gaiman, The Ocean At The End Of The Lane)

The Year of True Paths is halfway through. After finally making that crucial decision I need to make a plan. Solid enough so I will be true to myself in the daily choices I make, loose enough to allow for the playful storytelling of the Universe. For instance, London. I know I want, I need, to be there. The how is not clear, but I can do my part every day in little ways. London is my love story now. Each day is a step closer to a happily ever after.

"...so I turned, randomly, down another road, and took a left, and a right. It was only then that I realized where I was going, where I had been going all along, and I grimaced at my own foolishness." (Neil Gaiman, The Ocean At The End Of The Lane)

I heard it said, "When two points are destined to touch, even if a direct connection is impossible, the Universe will always find a way."

My heart tells me it is only a matter of time. And what of time? There is plenty. There is always enough. It is always perfect.

Keep Calm and Buy Books

Keep calm and buy books. Secondhand so you can buy three for the price of a brand new one. Then count the days (6) until you can start reading to restore the wreck you have become after juggling two big projects in an effort to raise funds for monthly bills and dreams of travel (still not enough).

The past few days have been sprinkled with delays and time snarls. In the next few days the repercussions of those delays will be fully felt and I will most likely be a zombie by Tuesday evening.

Still, the work I did this week is not without its hidden nuggets of inspiration. And help does come in some form when you absolutely need it. And there is always my health and my skills to be grateful for. And there is always Sherlock and the Doctor and Neil Gaiman.  

a happy new year's day

My first day of the new year had been full and happy.

My mom and my sis visited me in my newly redecorated home and they stayed until dinnertime. My mom was coming down with a cold and the threat of a fever but she really enjoyed the visit and appreciated the conversations. I also loved the fact that I didn't have to spend the whole new year's day by myself.

my mom, my sister, and being-difficult-Mogget

In addition to making my first craft of the year, which was a love vision board, I also designed the covers of my new journals for 2012 -- my idea notebook and my life list notebook -- which will be filled with inspiration and goals and the raw materials of all the happy stories and events that I look forward to this year.

I also received my copy of Toffee magazine which got me really excited to craft and make wonderful, pretty, and useful things with my hands and my imagination. I discovered this magazine through my crafty sister.

Before I went to bed last night I did a final check on my Twitter and saw a post by Neil Gaiman sharing his wife's blog post. His wife, Amanda Palmer, wrote this very long but very nice post about their wedding and there were a lot of things she wrote that I could relate to. The post also showed a side of her that I was happy to see because I am such a Neil Gaiman fan and I want him to be happy and blessed in his own life especially with all the beautiful stories that he has shared through his books. I went to bed feeling warm and inspired and hopeful. I believe that the old year has taken with it the worst of things because I feel light-hearted and optimistic when I woke up this morning.

How was your first day of the new year?