Friday, December 27, 2013

my Christmas week

Putting some semblance of order on my vintage LPs and fixing my music and art nook.

Trying out my new Derwent watercolour pencils which is my Christmas gift to myself

Reading this book in less than three days and deciding that I love Jane Eyre.

Discovering a new source of calligraphy ink and trying this one out (a bit too thick and dries too quickly)

This post will not be complete without a cat.

Started on serious self-studying. I'm putting together a curriculum for myself to become better-versed in subjects that I am highly interested in.

A few of my favorite gifts - new nib holders,
And new inks

Christmas evening at the mall where I rummaged through a book sale and found these

My dearest grandma and me

Today I met up with my best friend who is visiting from Canada and that will be for the next post!

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

an afternoon with Smaug

Watched The Hobbit: Desolation Of Smaug, on 3D. Loved it immensely, so brilliantly made.

And then there were these: 

A Php90 secondhand book, a collection of scifi short stories, that had the signatures of all the authors.

These Irish-themed books at ridiculously low prices. I've always had a soft spot for the Irish and their Celtic roots and their faery stories.

This London-themed stationery and tin box, the latter which became my savings box for my trip in, oh, 2015?

This new lamp on sale to brighten up my music and writing nook.

A strawberry-filled doughnut (and an original glazed afterwards) with brewed coffee for afternoon snacks.

Also, two lovely vintage-style dresses at fifty percent off. 

Not a bad day at all. Lots of little serendipities. Could use a few medium and big ones. Particularly with the medium and big matters. Such as love and London, for instance. 

Monday, December 16, 2013

Moon Day

I was busy this morning planning my pre-Christmas week and fixing my new music and writing nook.

And then as I was grappling with all the lists and notes and calendars this little poem slipped through the cracks and splattered onto a page.

this love is null and void
it is exacted under duress
it does not count
being so convenient
defaults are always suspect
authenticity can be tricky
when there are no other options
this love is a desperation
promises screamed by the drowning
bargains struck by poverty
pure survival, not much else
grasping at straws and mirages
the desert-thirst of the lonely
this love is a compromise
a just-in-case, temporary heart-filler
this love is a double-edged sword
it cuts me as much as it cuts you
and cuts everything else in between
possibilities shredded by false hopes
and guilt and irrational expectations
and tugs-of-war and fevered imaginations
this love is a black hole
or maybe it is a universe about to explode
either way it is a nuisance
peppering my days 
with random joys and random pains
and the worst of it
that foolish hope that slips through
little bursts like bullet shots
this love is a curse
an ill omen, a darkness, a trial
a labyrinth to be escaped
a disappointment to be endured

Friday, December 13, 2013

Friday the 13th

Clear away the old to make way for the...older.

So we had a yard sale where I sold most of the appliances and home items from my old place. It was a rather saddening event because it added a layer of finality to one of my biggest losses this year. 

But just as I watched my former things being carried away by their new owners, something that I have been wishing for but could not find in a form or price that satisfied me walked into the just-emptied space.

This was brought in by one of the yard sale customers who also happened to own a thrift shop and I asked if he had any standalone turntables and he did and brought it over right after making a lot of purchases of his own. 

He said the turntable was of British style with the spinner balanced on springs. He left it with me to try and decide on. So you can guess what I will be doing this weekend.

And since we mentioned British... I finally cleared out my old place and it is now empty of my old life. As I was closing the windows I got teary eyed and really sad and tried to think happy thoughts, so I thought of London and wished for a sign that all will be well and I looked down and saw this:

I mean, what are the odds? In that exact moment that I needed a sign and there it was.

So I feel buoyed up from the threat of sadness and my faith that it is all indeed going to work out in mysterious ways has been fortified.

Sunday, December 8, 2013


With decisions being made and choices acted upon, a certain kind of silence has begun to reign over my days. It is a silence that permeates deeply and brings with it a kind of peace, and then later on an absence that allows the surfacing of things that were previously unheard and unseen. I can feel my own heart tremble a little at these small revelations. Paths illuminated, possibilities considered. There is anxiety and then there is wonder. Though tired my spirit is still willing to embark on journeys. But there are new rules. I am still making them up as I go along.

I have been slow to bear fruit, for all the time that I have wrestled from my old life. But there are already signs that nothing has been in vain. Even when I had repeatedly slid back from moving forward some ground had still been gained. 

In this last month of the year of true paths  here are some of the things that remain after so many that have been lost.

My pursuit and practice of a creative life remains as strong as ever.

Books. Handwriting. Dip pens. Ink. Old world ways.

The London dream trip is still on top of the list. More than money I need MAGIC for this to happen. And I believe there will be plenty of both coming.

Writing is the one thing that keeps me sane and happy. Story-telling my way, and not the way that others want. 

By the way, I did not win the NaNoWriMo challenge this year although I did end up with a not too bad draft of a story I can edit later. The upside of not winning officially was the final push it gave me to re-assess the last few items that have been weighing on me and to resolve them once and for all. 

As for the matter of love, well, I have realized that the best way to deal with it is on the page, so I will keep its various imagined drama in my stories. The rest I leave in the magical synchronicity of the universe. 

Saturday, December 7, 2013


like a cauldron bubbling
not so much trouble
but maybe a potful of delight and dreams

The year of true paths is winding towards an end. So much have been learned, most in very painful ways. But I am still here, surviving the consequences of choices and random acts of courage.

There have been losses in so many ways. My head still reels when memory marches before me a string of small tragedies and disappointments and failures long enough to strangle the breath out of anyone with a weaker spirit.

But yes, I believe my spirit is much stronger than it ever was.

As this year ends what is left is clarity.  It has swept through every aspect of my life and shooed away the shadows, forcing me to see.

I end this year better than I ended last year. In a manner of speaking. It is all a matter of perspective. I choose to see it as better.