sunshine within the storm

I am being thrown about by financial tornados and heart tsunamis. I crawl my way into the eye of the storm and anchor myself with a paintbrush, a pencil, and a pen.

Colds and cough kept me at home today, with not much to do because sudden movements made my head hurt and make me want to throw up. A low fever flits in and out, undecided whether to camp for the weekend or just treat me as a pitstop.

Things certainly look more dreary when you're sick. I surrounded myself with the comfort of my books and made myself busy with art-making. I slept when my eyes started to hurt or when my skin started to burn again.

Watercolor and charcoal is fast becoming my favorite combination. Here I recreated a set of lucky fish that used to hang from my ceiling. I got rid of the fishes when they got torn and too dirty. I don't know if it was coincidence but the money-making projects dried up after that. So I recreated them by hand and will hang them in my home again. Just to be on the safe side of universal rules and schemes and energy flows. Just in case.

This one is a bit of a play with words and ideas and feelings. 

I did not get to do much work-related tasks today. My head hurt when I tried to steer my mind towards serious thoughts that required strategy and rationalization and very careful crafting. After a few failed attempts I decided to put off the work tasks for when I am feeling much better and when my head is more cooperative.

new, borrowed, and blue

I went to a new place today. First I went to the bank to update my records and then I decided to go someplace to read. I thought of Chatime but I didn't feel like milk tea today. Then I remembered the new place called Classic Confections which I've always wanted to check out but there was never time nor companion. Well, I could make time today but unfortunately I would have to go without companion --- how I miss the days when I could just throw out an invitation and there would be someone to catch it! Nowadays there seems to be a dearth of people who wants to or could afford to spend some nice quiet time in a cafe on a sunny afternoon on impulse.

I got myself a lemon torte and a cup of brewed coffee (They serve Illy!) which I paid for with money borrowed from one of my daily budgets (which means I would have to go without something in the near future). Then I settled into a corner table by the window and brought out my book to read (a real book, mind you, not the digital kind). It was so comforting, and also nostalgic. It threw me back to a time when I was much, much younger and I would sit in a cafe and write poetry and daydream. I suddenly missed certain people and certain times.

And there's my something blue. A blue frosted tiny butter cookie that accompanied the coffee.

The lemon torte which I finished all by myself. But do not be alarmed - it is only about the same diameter as my palm. The flavor was perfect though it could be more moist. 

Now that I am back home I feel like I could skip dinner for all that cake. I am also psyching myself that the work day is over -- which means stop stressing out already on the nitty-gritty of things that would hardly cause the downfall of empires. Instead I should focus on the non-work stuff. Like maybe working on that second curtain while watching Mad Men.

Watching Mad Men is not helping my slight confusion about wanting to be out in the "work world". I believe I only need some social stimulation and I doubt I would find it worth taking back the whole baggage of being employed. Still, I am finally starting to miss bits and pieces from my old employed life --- like really dressing up and eating in nice restaurants whenever I want and spending ridiculous amounts of money on coffee and books. I also miss very specific people and the intelligent conversations and the witty repartee and the sharing. I miss the relationships. The personal give-and-take in terms of time and secrets and attention and emotion. The consoling hugs in the midst of a really tough day.

Yes, I am pretty nostalgic today. Maybe it was the way the sun shone on everything, like everything was a memory.

What gets you travelling down memory lane?

burst of sunshine and gold

I recently ordered two dozen yellow roses from Etsy -- but they are the kind that will never fade nor wilt. They are actually made of wood.

I have always wanted flowers in my home but they are way too expensive to buy regularly, not to mention quite difficult to find. The plastic flowers available in malls look too plasticky or the wrong shades of color. Imagine my delight at discovering Janice's lovely garden!

When I received my package of roses I took a milk bottle souvenir from Hong Kong and used it as a vase.

perfect distraction from my messy busy kitchen!

sunshine and blue sky

I stumbled upon this small painting I made on the page of a journal years ago. I can no longer remember what inspired me to do this, but that moment was also the time in my life when I started to emerge from a phase of slow dreaming through a dark tunnel. It was like a waking from a sleepwalk of long journeys, where every thing was a dream and every dream was a wish fulfillment that vanished and melted onto the next strange story.