Wednesday, February 1, 2012

after every storm

I did my Client presentation this morning, the fruit of hard mental labor and sleepless nights. I wore happy shoes to boost my energy.

happy shoes from our little shop. we're making and selling more this month! :)
Every time, without fail, I come home and I am wobbling with exhaustion and I would crawl to bed, sleep for a few hours troubled by displaced dreams, then wake up ravenously hungry and starting to feel really ill.

As of this moment I am experiencing all the signs of an oncoming fever : the too-warm feeling behind my eyes, the ache in the throat when swallowing, the too-sensitive feeling on the skin, the body aches, the slightly clogging nose, and of course, the slowly creeping chills and the increased temperature in my breath.

It's like all the adrenaline that has kept me up has suddenly run out or deserted me. And now I will need at least a full day's rest to get back on track.

This pattern has to change. I will break this vicious cycle.

For starters, I have watched myself work for the past week and I saw how an Other Business project in full swing can just sweep everything I have put in place and scatter them into chaos. I have repeatedly tried different ways to fix this but so far nothing has been effective enough. I will resolve this.

I have also experienced a wave of epiphanies as I pushed myself to focus on completing the presentation slides on time. This treasure of insights is motivating me now to fight the fever so I can start doing things to make my creative journey progress better.

My birthday is around the corner in a couple of weeks. I was originally planning to host a small gathering of friends but after my epiphanies I have decided to put the party off and do it later in the year -- still with the birthday occasion but it will also be a re-birthday event, a super perfect thing to do on this Year of Rebirth.

As a reward for completing the recent Other Business project, I subscribed to Indie Business : Compass and I can't wait to start with it. I also purchased Kelly Rae Robert's Flying Lessons: Part One. At some point I am beginning to see the same formula and patterns in what they are all teaching and sharing but what is enlightening is how they do it. Each teacher comes from a unique background and taken together, they  point me to clues regarding my own unique story. Also sometimes, one teacher is better in driving home one point, while another excels in making a particular lesson crystal-clear.

I feel a bit sad about having to miss kendo practice tonight but I will make up for it for the whole 20 days before I leave for Hong Kong. Seriously. Because deep deep deep down inside I do care whether I pass the exam or not. Even when I keep telling other people it doesn't really matter.

I will sign off now. I'm starting to get really headachy. Will have an early night and wake up all brand new tomorrow morning!

Love and hugs to everyone!

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