Tuesday, January 31, 2012

last day of toil

Today is the last day of work for the current Other Business project. By tomorrow morning I will be presenting results to Client and then I could take a bit of a breather before facing what's next on my very full calendar. At the very least I will have some time to recuperate and recharge and rethink some things through.

As I worked and half-hallucinated through the past few nights I also came into a few significant realizations about where this life journey is going, or should be going. I got a lot of insights from my sister (she helped keep me awake through Yahoo messenger) and I will work on those insights after I have slept off the exhaustion of today's project. Maybe by Thursday. Those insights should further fine-tune the map I am charting for myself.

Meanwhile here are random snapshots as I spent the past few days imprisoned in my home office.
This morning's hot chocolate. A break from the endless cups of coffee I consumed through the night.
Mogget takes my seat everytime I get up to stretch and walk around the room. The Harmony App (from the Apple App Store)  reminds and forces me to take 2-3 minute breaks every hour.
Once in a while I will work on the bed for a change of scene and Mogget would join me to sleep on the documents I am working on. 
Lists help keep my sanity intact as I write and tick off every detail I need to get done each day. Sometimes it can feel like nothing is moving at all and no progress is being made. Those are the toughest times.
I re-arranged my home to change the feel of my work-space. I was starting to have negative work associations within my own home and I needed to shake it off. This time I pushed the dining table to one side and used it as a working desk instead of using my usual computer desk by the window.
When I am on extremely stressful situations like now, I also somehow gain a certain clarity on what I want and what is important to me. Some things repeat themselves because I have not resolved them. Some things are new as I evolve from previous resolutions. If I am to focus on the things that do go right in every moment, then I will focus on how the past nights have made my life goals sharper. So sharp that if I make a careless move I could cut myself quite deep.

I have watched myself do and not do things, and every small decision is a sign pointing to what I should fix about myself, and also what I should accept about my realities. Then I should pay more attention to what will move me forward in a continuous motion, and what intentions I should declare to myself every chance I can.

Following a path like mine, unhinged from the mainstream track that everyone else is moving on, is a daily challenge and also a daily reward. I just really have to be clear and to be steadfast and to remain faithful in every sense.

How do you get yourself from the start of every day through to the end and still be fully alive, fearless, and hopeful?


  1. First of all - you have awesome handwriting. Second of all - who knew there was an app to remind you to get up and stretch, that's pretty awesome, I'm going to have to remember that. And in answer to your question, how I get through the day? I usually call somebody on my walk home from work and it reminds me that there are other things in reality than whatever I've been staring at all day. Happy Thursday :)

    1. Hahaha - thanks for the handwriting comment - that's the fruit of my childhood years being strictly trained how to write legibly! You are very lucky to have that someone to call :) and yes we always have to be reminded that there are other things beyond whatever we are currently stuck with.