and then the story starts rewriting itself

In less than a week.

I simply could not stop writing.

The story writes itself even when I sleep and my fingers will be dripping with words in the morning.

Loving Scrivener and Scapple. Very much.

novel in progress

My Derwent Inktense has opened up new ways of making art and creating illustrations for my fantasy novel which I started out last November via NaNoWriMo. I am in no rush to publish because I want it to be done well. I have decided it will be an illustrated novel and that I want it printed on "aged"-looking paper. Which means that actual printing will probably take a while and I will have to start with digital publishing if I want to get all the colors and images in. I will be self-publishing so I only have myself yelling at myself to get some work done everyday.

Here is the draft of my cover:

And here is my initial attempt at a map. I need one because the place is pure invention.

One of the key items in the story is an urn and I have imagined it to be this:

I find myself progressing faster when I added the illustration work alongside the writing. So it is like watching and listening at the same time and then somehow managing to take it all down on paper as the story unfolds. Rather tricky but also surprisingly motivating. The story feels more substantial because I have visual anchors. Besides, I have always loved the interplay between words and images and I am delighted to have the opportunity to use both in this story.

At some point I would like to be able to draw people because there are some scenes I would just love to portray. I can draw women but drawing men needs more practice. We'll see how that goes.

I might also begin on some illustrations for the poetry books and those I need to prioritize because they will be "released" ahead. By released I mean producing the book in high-quality PDF/e-book format and sharing a portion of the first volume for free, like a Kindle sample. Then the full volume can be available by order. I don't know yet how I will do the sharing and ordering but I guess I will just play it by ear.

What have you been up to lately?

oh joyful words, balm to my heart

Way back in 2005 or 2006 I had this major crush on a work colleague. He was an artist and he was charming and sweet and funny. I was an overworked, generally unhappy, and creatively-empty head of a department. I was in a relationship on a downhill with someone else but I was too much of a coward to end it because it was just too much trouble. Besides, my artist crush was also in a relationship. Nah, too complicated and I didn't think my artist ever saw me in that light.

So that time I was so fascinated by that artist that I found myself writing little poems on the margins of my work notebook. Then I found myself contemplating the idea of a novel because it was the only way I could give free rein to the tumult of emotions that were harassing my flagellated spirit. Needless to say that artist also inspired my main character.

I started writing the novel and got as far as the first chapter. Then work took over my life again and the novel was shelved and I started to think I was not cut out for writing fiction.

It was a fantasy novel, with magic and dragons and a love story.

Two years ago I quit the job that sucked my spirit dry and it took me those two full years to heal my spirit back to health.

This year on All Hallow's week, I was visited by the ghost of an old professor, a writer, who had encouraged me to write. I found her letter as I was looking for something else, I think it was an account number or a receipt. As I read the letter I got goosebumps, and then quite teary-eyed. She had passed away years ago, you see. And to read her kind generous words at a time in my life when I am just aching for some magic to happen was just so timely.

The next day, I don't know how but a Facebook link led me to NaNoWriMo and I heard my old professor's voice repeating what she wrote. Then my mind went: You don't do fiction. You do poetry. You do essays and feature writing. You do blog posts. Never fiction. You won't be able to sustain it. You will just end up writing something so cliche and trite. And one of the loudest: You should not be wasting the month writing a novel that will most likely not be published. You should be Looking For A Job.

So I went for a walk, found myself in a bookstore, and my feet, by habit, brought me to the fantasy section. Jutting out incongruously among the young adult fantasy books was a hardbound book in black and red that first shouted "Neil Gaiman"(who wrote the foreword) to me, then followed immediately by "Diana Wynne Jones". Two of my most admired authors. It turned out to be a book by Diana entitled "Reflections On The Magic Of Writing".  I skimmed the contents and found pieces that would be helpful if I dared to write a novel.  I checked and found that it was the last copy on the shelf. I wasn't even sure if it was supposed to be there. Goosebumps again. Was it waiting for me? And here's the thing. She has also passed away so maybe she was recruited by my old professor to cheer me on.

When I got home I signed up for NaNoWriMo, read through the instructions, and waited for November.

When the time had come to start writing, I did. And everything I ever read about writing from Anne Lamott, Ann Patchett, Stephen King, Natalie Goldberg, Susan Wooldridge, and Julia Cameron came crashing back. I suddenly had these inspiring teachers looking over my shoulder urging me forward. Yes, just keep on writing. It's okay to have shitty first drafts. Listen, watch, the story will take you where you need to go.

I had decided to resurrect that old idea for a novel I had in 2005-2006, with some tweaks. Now it is a fantasy novel, with magic and dragons and three love stories on which the survival of a world depends. Something along those lines. One of the main characters was still inspired by that artist - I am still in touch with him and he is still charming and sweet and funny. Another main character was inspired by a person who continues the tradition of everyone else I have ever liked who never liked me back. Yes, now you see why I need to write. The happiness I feel when writing can easily make up for being ignored or passed over.

Last night I submitted my novel for validation, having completed a most-likely shitty first draft that exceeded the minimum requirement of 50,000 words. This morning I was confirmed a winner on my first attempt to write a novel.

I finished ahead of schedule, and I am now starting to work on the editing as well as filling in the plot holes and doing extra research for authenticity.

I had written a novel. After years of believing I never could or would.

The idea of getting it published is a nice thing but I want to edit and clean it up for myself more than anything else. I have a few friends who genuinely want to read it and I will let them. But the most important thing I learned as I was writing this novel was how much I do love writing and that I have been limiting myself by keeping away from fiction. Now I have a good list of ideas for a collection of short stories. I am also motivated to get all those poems in order and put them into a semblance of a book.

November is on its last week and I still don't have a job but I have the first draft of a novel. Instead of 50,000 cash, I have 50,000 words. Yet somehow I feel strangely very happy.

What beautiful thing has happened to you lately?

writing and music

This is a long overdue post but I have been busy doing something I absolutely love. Writing. Supplemented by lots of reading. More writing.

I have reached the 25,000 words halfway mark ahead of schedule in my NaNoWriMo novel. I have been sleeping between two to four in the morning because I find that I write better during the dark quiet night, with only a single source of light.

Except last Saturday when I slept at four in the morning because I was creating a playlist in my iTunes to provide a music soundtrack for the fluttering agitation that had me trying to write and wringing my hands and standing up suddenly and pacing and sighing oh so many times. I ended up not writing very much at all although I made a playlist and listened to it in loops while staring out the window until I started to feel sleepy at four in the morning.

"Oh you're in my blood like holy wine

You taste so bitter, and so sweet

Oh I could drink a case of you, darling

 Still I'd be on my feet"

~ Case Of You/ Joni Mitchell ~

"Do I love you

Do I hate you

I can't make up my mind

So let's free fall

And see where we land"

~ Where We Land/ Ed Sheeran~

"I'm just dreaming

Counting the ways to where you are"

~ 100 Years/ Five For Fighting~

"Every time you're not around

It doesn't matter

'Cause you're everywhere to me."

~ Everywhere/ Bran Van 3000~

"Ten to one, you're gonna smile when you walk by

Fifty-four to one, you're gonna stop and say hi

Two million to one, you'll be the love of my life

Infinity to one, we're gonna last a life time"

~ Infinity To One/ Jason Reeves~

"Sometimes it stops,

Sometimes it flows,

But baby that is how love goes.

You will fly and you will crawl;

God knows even angels fall.

No such thing as you lost it all.

It's a secret no one tells;

One day it's heaven, one day it's hell.

It's no fairy tale;

Take it from me,

That's the way it's supposed to be."

~ Even Angels Fall/ Jessica Riddle~

"I turned around

And the water was closing all around"

~ Crystal/ Stevie Nicks~

Oh, yes. Gotta weather this particular storm and channel all its excess energy to finishing my novel!

a book cover

I am being pressured by the empty book cover box in my NaNoWriMo dashboard so I put one together quickly. Here is working cover which basically captures the play of the elements crucial to the story, with a heavier emphasis on water and fire.

Appropriately I used and edited a photo I had taken during my recent trip to the beach this May. The photo was shot beneath the Spider House where we stayed.

And here are my stats for the day. So far, so good.

NaNoWriMo quick post

I am on the fourth day of the NaNoWriMo challenge and I have more than six thousand words.

My novel is a fantasy with magic and dragons and a love story thrown in for good measure.

I mustered up the courage to join and afterwards to persevere with the challenge because I was sent messages by the ghosts of two authors : Doreen Gamboa Fernandez (a local author who was also my journalism professor in college) and Diana Wynne Jones (popular British author of the Chrestomanci series). Appropriately these happened right before Halloween and on All Souls' Day.

My cat Mogget has kept me company through the late writing nights.

I powered myself with coffee, pizza, Coke, and occasional trips to write in McNeighbor for a change of scenery. This was just for the first three days to get me going with the first few thousand words. I am on a good pace now and no longer need extreme measures to keep writing. So far so good.

In the process of writing this novel I have discovered a whole new level of joy.

My novel writing is interspersed with a lot of journal writing, sometimes like a running commentary on how the novel writing is going. Sometimes the novel writing triggers other writing project ideas or life project ideas and I put those down in the journal. I have never written so richly, not since the time I was spilling out love poems almost everyday when I was in my twenties. The poetry has been sparse for the past ten years but I can feel it gearing up for a comeback soon. Oh what lovely time lies ahead!

I invested in a paper dictionary and thesaurus because there is nothing like the feel of paper and smell of ink when you are in the midst of creating a world in words. I also find the dictionary apps and online dictionaries too distracting with too many extras on the side. I also want my resources portable and not dependent on battery life. I want all the battery life of my iPad spent on writing.

A part of me regrets that I have not done this sooner. And then another part of me responds with the thought that there is always a Perfect Time for everything and Now is my Perfect Time for this. There is nothing to regret.

what I have been up to, among other things

I updated my Facebook cover photo.

I also did this.