Thursday, December 6, 2012

just like the beginning of the year

The ending of the year forecasts storms. Perhaps as strong as the ones I experienced in the beginning of this year. Maybe even stronger.

Today I have been most agitated. I could not sit to write, and only managed about three paragraphs. I could not sit still enough to read, I only managed half a chapter. I made myself watch a movie (Emma starring Gwyneth Paltrow and Jeremy Northam) and at different points I had to stand up and pace while watching because I was feeling restless.

It could simply be the holiday season seeping in, inducing both extremes of sadness and joy, as it usually does.

I sat on the floor, resting against a heavy bookshelf, my journal on my knees, a bottle of ink by my side. I wrote while I listened to a looped playlist with the volume turned up to overwhelm the street noises from outside the window.

I have been unable to eat proper meals. My appetite is often the first to go, then insomnia sets in. It is the phase. It will pass. Just like any storm. I just have to be strong and pray that I do not become too broken from the whiplash of intense emotions and the lightnings of longing. It will pass, and everything will be tolerable again.

"I think about stepping closer to him, not for any practical reason, but just because I want to see what it would be like to stand that close to him; just because I want to. Foolish, a voice in my head says."  - Divergent, Veronica Roth

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