Saturday, January 7, 2012

a walking dead

No, I am not very coherent today. It's Saturday. The first Saturday of the year. Which also means the first kendo practice day of the year. I am numb. I am floating. Then I am also apprehensive. And deep deep deep down inside I am paralyzed by worry and fear. You see, I have to do this exam thing at the end of February so from today until we fly off for the exam, I am dreading two months of training torment.

And don't even get me started on rumors going around about participating in a tournament.

I can't even begin to think about passing the exam.

And before any of those I am very concerned about whether I will be able to physically withstand all of it. I have been regularly doing yoga (for a measly week, but I'm keeping at it and believing in miracles) but I have not yet really gone into the whole mad devote-hours-to-practice thing.

Which of course makes me think why I am doing this in the first place. I started it because there was a time I was so crazy about anime and Japanese culture and I was so in love with Kurosaki Ichigo.

And now, four years later, I am somehow still doing it but I kinda lost sight and feeling of why.

On the other hand I cannot seem to just let it go. (Maybe I just don't want to be called quitter.)

Go figure.

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