It's the Full Moon today.
So I don't know if it's the pull of the moon or if it's Mercury Retrograde or something. My iPhone just started going wonky. My sister's phone too. My dad's phone. My sister's computer. And Yahoo messenger.
But after many attempts to sync and update I finally just restored it to factory settings. Then re-updated and now it's working fine.
Today has been a rather strange, disorienting day. It was like I have been floating and just being an observer. I did the things I needed to do but there always seemed a part of me that was sitting back and watching impassively. Really weird.
I had a moment of temptation during a meeting this afternoon. I wrote about it in my Other Business blog. But basically I got asked if I would be willing to be employed again. A parade of happy paychecks marched before my mind's eye.
Then on my way home I passed by a lot of shops on the way to the taxi station and I saw a lot of new things and beautiful things and I remembered how I used to be able to just walk into a store and get whatever I wanted.
It was a moment of vulnerability. And it didn't help that I was feeling tired and hungry. It was a good thing I was wearing a happy dress and pretty shoes and I was comfortable with my outfit because that helped balance the feelings of want and stirrings of inadequacy. I also had a list in my bag of what I wanted exactly in terms of items (stuff I plan to have within the year) so everything else was just really an impulse call to indulgence.
But as I was sitting in the cab, enduring through almost an hour of rush hour traffic, I asked myself, you okay to do this rush hour thing again five days a week? And remember that today you didn't leave the house until 2:20pm for the meeting. If you were employed, you would have been on your way at least seven hours before that.
I told the person who asked me that I am not 100% closed to the idea because, after all, it IS my plan B just in case. But right now, I am still fired up and optimistic in making this entrepreneur thing work.
Surprisingly, I got inspired tonight to do some Other Business work and I updated the blog and I felt good about the new project. Maybe I just needed that bit of validation. Or more important, to have that bit of assurance that there are great clients out there and I don't have to sell myself short in a compromise. The person who asked is a great client and I love working with her. I am reminded that I could always work towards just attracting and having great clients. Win-win for all.
Good night for now. I have another full day tomorrow. :)