Just two more frogs. Two more work things that need to be done and then I can begin a much-needed long work break. That means two weeks of no day-job work in any form. That means time to take care of my moving places and time to write and time to make art.
Work has been causing me pain. The fatigue stings and pumps venom into my spirit.
My tolerance for doing things that I must for the sake of paying bills has been at an all time low. I don't drag myself out of bed in the morning but I do drag myself to sit in front of the work computer and do the same old thing. Because it is the same old thing. The only difference is that I have bargained off money for time. Yet even time is stolen from me when the work had to be done because my heart is focused on something else.
That is why I need this long break. Too much of the past few months have been about making ends meet and paying bills and working too hard and not having enough in the end to treat myself. When I write or make art I don't need to treat myself even if both are actually hard work in themselves. But when I do day-job work I need to treat myself or else I might go mad in both senses of the word.
I cannot make it to this year's Book Fair but I will go to the Cut-Price Book Sale in one of my favorite bookstores. I have squirreled away a bit of cash so I can buy some books. I was saving it for a turntable but I can't think of letting go of the money without a cringe. The cash outlay is still a bit steep for me and in my case, the music can wait (a little bit more) while the books can't.
This is what I have in mind:
The solution is not to wait. Of course that is what I need to do. I must not rush or be impatient. Easier said than done.
Just do what I can each day. Be happy for all the little boxes ticked off at the end of the day, even if not all the boxes get ticked off.