on a hot saturday afternoon

I cleaned my house. More importantly, I finally got around to fixing the horrible mess of wires and cables behind the TV shelf. I finally extricated the broken DVD player and re-arranged everything. The vintage Star Wars poster that had languished in storage for years is now up on the wall. I finally got around to play my vintage Beatles LP and pleased to discover that it is still in good condition. I found a spot to display the pretty sleeve design of Heathen Chemistry, the Oasis album which I stumbled upon last Monday and could not leave the store without. It totally messed with my budgets and I am sacrificing a few meals in the process but... an Oasis LP! I have always been a Liam Gallagher girl. Champagne Supernova has been part of my life soundtrack way back in the 90s (and it still is today). In Heathen Chemistry, I love the song The Hindu Times.

"In and out my brain

You're runnin' through my vein

You're my sunshine 

You're my rain"

- The Hindu Times, Oasis

it starts and ends with you

You know that experience when you fall so madly in love with a song and you can't stop playing it over and over again and every time it plays it is like the first time you hear it and your heart just explodes all over the place each time and you become just a little bit supernatural, straddling this world and that world where the song is and where a story of your life unfolds like some kind of a fairy tale except you cannot see it clearly yet but you know it's there and that you will get there eventually? It's a song that takes you out of yourself and closer to the place where you have always dreamed to be, as close to kissing the sun without burning, as deep as you dare to dive into the ocean without drowning. All your lethargic dreams are wakened by this song, even the lost ones, the forgotten ones. This song is a call to the core of your spirit. A call to journey and finish what has languished in your life because you became too concerned with what mattered less than what really matters. This song is the anthem to your happily ever after, maybe. If you are brave enough. If you let the song weave the magic through you. You can feel it already. Your body moves of its own accord, your heart beats a rhythm that is familiar and frightening and exhilarating all at the same time, your mind opens up to avenues to thought that were not accessible before. Your soul sings along. If you had special magic glasses you could probably see how the pulsing light of your soul thrums and travels and spreads through the cosmic web, unlocking chapters, touching other sleeping souls, leaving markers. The magic shimmers on your skin (it will call to what is yours), coats the tip of your tongue (be careful what you say), weaves through the veins of your heart (be careful what you wish), and seeps through your dreams at night (find the Dream King).

And I've worn so many faces

Shot my love at fifteen paces

My inheritance is all the thoughts I can't sweep away

I shout out but I just spin faster

I crawl out but my knees are water

I cling on by my nails to the sweet disaster

And I fall to the floor like my strings are cut

Pinch myself but I don't wake up

Spit in the wind 'cause too much is not enough

It starts and ends with you

(Suede, It Starts And Ends With You)

writing and music

This is a long overdue post but I have been busy doing something I absolutely love. Writing. Supplemented by lots of reading. More writing.

I have reached the 25,000 words halfway mark ahead of schedule in my NaNoWriMo novel. I have been sleeping between two to four in the morning because I find that I write better during the dark quiet night, with only a single source of light.

Except last Saturday when I slept at four in the morning because I was creating a playlist in my iTunes to provide a music soundtrack for the fluttering agitation that had me trying to write and wringing my hands and standing up suddenly and pacing and sighing oh so many times. I ended up not writing very much at all although I made a playlist and listened to it in loops while staring out the window until I started to feel sleepy at four in the morning.

"Oh you're in my blood like holy wine

You taste so bitter, and so sweet

Oh I could drink a case of you, darling

 Still I'd be on my feet"

~ Case Of You/ Joni Mitchell ~

"Do I love you

Do I hate you

I can't make up my mind

So let's free fall

And see where we land"

~ Where We Land/ Ed Sheeran~

"I'm just dreaming

Counting the ways to where you are"

~ 100 Years/ Five For Fighting~

"Every time you're not around

It doesn't matter

'Cause you're everywhere to me."

~ Everywhere/ Bran Van 3000~

"Ten to one, you're gonna smile when you walk by

Fifty-four to one, you're gonna stop and say hi

Two million to one, you'll be the love of my life

Infinity to one, we're gonna last a life time"

~ Infinity To One/ Jason Reeves~

"Sometimes it stops,

Sometimes it flows,

But baby that is how love goes.

You will fly and you will crawl;

God knows even angels fall.

No such thing as you lost it all.

It's a secret no one tells;

One day it's heaven, one day it's hell.

It's no fairy tale;

Take it from me,

That's the way it's supposed to be."

~ Even Angels Fall/ Jessica Riddle~

"I turned around

And the water was closing all around"

~ Crystal/ Stevie Nicks~

Oh, yes. Gotta weather this particular storm and channel all its excess energy to finishing my novel!

beginnings

About a couple of weeks ago, I decided (and realized) that I can, and should, pursue more than one job. For one thing, the business I am running now is still very much my old life with a few modifications. If I really want to try and do something really different and new I should ease out a bit from that comfort zone. At the same time, I should pay more attention to what makes me happy and excited to work on every day.

I have fallen in love with vintage and the idea of domestic bliss. Add to that a layer of being more earth-conscious. The whole thing put together paints a picture that is almost an antithesis of what I have been doing for the past sixteen years. It  was a difficult thought for me to grasp because I do not do very well with transitions. I like and welcome change but the journey from A to B tends to pain me a lot.

So two or three weeks ago I had a talk with my sister and we mapped out our lives and our hearts. We were both surprised at what we discovered and what we had to accept, and therefore what we have to take action for if we are to lead fulfilled lives and not waste our time.

One result of that is the decision to slowly build a small shop of pretty things (handmade/recycled/repurposed) and vintage. We will try out the whole concept in a garage sale-type set up on the first of December. Then we will work out the kinks and test drive it again about a month or two after. We will do this until we work out the formula and then we officially launch. Now all we need is a bit more capital. Plus a lot of research and studying.

Meanwhile, with the initial cash we have put aside we have started buying inventory and collecting raw materials. Lots of hard work and leg work! But at the end of a really tiring day the feeling of satisfaction I feel is fresh and different. It was a bit of a revelation. I thought I was set for the past sixteen years. I realize I was not.

Yesterday I stumbled into a midnight sale at the mall and was able to get a cheap clothes rack. When I got home my sister and I eagerly hung our first few pieces and imagined a happy future.

I even got some music to play in the shop ^_^