a jolt of sadness, a grab for a miracle

I was browsing through my inbox and found an email advisory from the airline informing me that I could do an online check-in for my trip to Hong Kong on Monday.

Early this year, around February I think, my sister and I jumped at a ticket sale for Hong Kong scheduled for next week. We were positive and confident that we would have the means to go on a trip, that we would be getting enough projects and making enough money. We did the same for Singapore in April and it was a success. We knew we would make it again for Hong Kong in October.

It is now two days before the trip and we have not reserved a hotel nor have enough money to fund the trip. My sister has been alternately sad and hopeful for the past month and has worked her fingers to the bone on writing projects. But as of this point, there is just not enough money to safely get us through.

But it is only Saturday. There is still today and the whole of tomorrow.

Yesterday as I was resting in between grueling interview sessions, I looked out the window and gazed at the busy business district outside. I could be going to an office like that everyday and have more than enough to pay for next week's trip. But then, I might not have the time to actually take the leave to go on a trip next week. Or I would be too tired and stressed to enjoy it fully. And I would be feeling the pressure of the work pending and waiting for me to come home. I've been there.

Yesterday, Ms G and I talked about giving up paychecks and what we got in exchange for it. Family time. Creative time. Waking up without feeling your heart hammering through your tightening chest in anticipation of the stress ahead that starts with the morning rush hour traffic. Sleeping through the night without worrying about the next day and the next week and the next presentation.

I told Ms G that when I stopped working in an office and started to visit my parents more, I was shocked to realize how old my parents have become. I have been too busy and I have just always sent them a lot of money and thought they must be happy and comfortable enough.

I also told Ms G how, since I left work, the money I needed came in at exactly the right moment just when I thought it would never do so.

It is only Saturday. A lot of things could still happen.